This reminded me of the "Things Mr Welch Can No Longer Do in an RPG".
I have no idea if this is the original list, but here is the first link that pops up in search: https://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html
this post was submitted on 08 Oct 2026
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Pooping is done out of combat, consider it like a weak summoning ritual. If you need it to be some sort of roll, a crit will give you +1 on your next roll, a crit fail though, means the summoning wasn't completely successful, and at some point, the rest of the summon will happen without your input.
counterpoint: pooping is a free action
You may want to see a doctor
is that a full turn?
That's more like an interaction with a shop keeper.
...
Please don't kill Doctor Malice, the half-elf bone saw in this orc village.
diarrhoea is named after rrhoe the goblin, who discovered it by botching a roll to poop twice at the same time.
Yeah, but doffing your armor isn't.
that's why you have the rear plate perforated like a colander
You can even attach different shapes like those Play-Dough machines.
fun for the whole party!
Open the iris!
A fraternity at my college got dissolved because they discovered people were doffing armor at the frat house.
I have a bonus free action, can I poop twice?
yeah but it goes under two-weapon fighting rules so it's a flat roll
This is why monks are so fast.
It's a ritual? How many other casters do I need there?
Two absolute minimum, six minimum for ranked competitive with ELO
I cast Conjure Feculence!
is that an artificially yassified mark mercer
Nah he's just kinda hot
Matt Mercer plus Christian Bale's chin, maybe
I'm attacking the darkness, I cast magic missile.
🎶Fly by night, a-Mountain Dew! Mountain Dew for you! 🎶
Nothing wrong with attuning to the barbarian.
It is a hell of a ritual.
I'm running an Elder Scrolls campaign so racism is a major theme.