this post was submitted on 12 Oct 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] Miller@lemmy.world 45 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

All sex is ranked and competitive, the opposite of casual is formal, doing the hokey cokey with someone you have a contract with, like your wife or your boss.

[–] DrBob@lemmy.ca 8 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Or highly orchestrated with costumes and decorations and a theme.

[–] Jiggle_Physics@quokk.au 2 points 4 weeks ago

White tie sex

[–] DeadDigger@lemmy.zip 1 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Hm but the opposite could also be committed couldn't it?

[–] Miller@lemmy.world 1 points 4 weeks ago
[–] AkatsukiLevi@lemmy.world 39 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] glitchdx@lemmy.world 4 points 4 weeks ago

yeeeeeeeeeees!

[–] CallMeAl@piefed.zip 29 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

What about Business Casual Sex?

[–] NightmareQueenJune@lemmy.world 13 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

At work but in the broom closet.

[–] bajabound@lemmy.world 7 points 4 weeks ago

With the rope.

This sounds like a new version of Clue.

[–] tacosanonymous@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

I mean, there are definitely avenues to go pro.

[–] Bakkoda@lemmy.world 5 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] jpablo68@infosec.pub 6 points 4 weeks ago

any% sex champion here...

[–] kablez@lemmy.world 23 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

The DRM on competitive sex is really annoying though, practically excludes Linux users.

[–] DigDoug@lemmy.world 15 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

...as a Linux user, there are Linux users having casual sex?

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 11 points 4 weeks ago

Yeah, but it's a gender segregated league

[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago

Yes. With comparability layer called wine

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 4 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

That's actually just the high skill level challenge pool.

[–] bl4ckp1xx13@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

What about Arcade Sex and Custom Sex?

[–] gegil@sopuli.xyz 13 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] sundray@lemmus.org 5 points 4 weeks ago

Disables achievements though.

[–] Atelopus-zeteki@fedia.io 2 points 4 weeks ago

Formal Sex?

[–] some_random_nick@lemmy.world 11 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] AeonFelis@lemmy.world 5 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

"professional" β‰  "competitive"

[–] Notyou@sopuli.xyz 2 points 4 weeks ago

They do have award shows though. That makes it competitive, at least for some of the movies.

[–] gigastasio@sh.itjust.works 10 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

There a speed event? Cause I’ll kick ass in that.

[–] Zer0_F0x@lemmy.world 14 points 4 weeks ago

I do remember seeing a blowjob contest years ago where two women were given the objective to make two lines of men jizz, one line each.

At first they were neck and neck, trading blows equally, but in the end one of them blew past the other and won.

All I'm saying is if you're looking for a speed competition there is one

[–] ClownStatue@piefed.social 9 points 4 weeks ago

Competitive sex is porn. They literally give out awards every year in Vegas.

[–] expletivedeleted@lemmy.zip 7 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Isn't that the porn industry?

[–] OddMinus1@sh.itjust.works 5 points 4 weeks ago

It exists. A few years ago, it was supposed to be arranged in a venue in Sweden, but the event was cancelled for some reason. Apparently, there are judges that judge based on different factors, like quality of foreplay and sensuality. So apparently not a race, but more like a dancing competition.

I really don't know, and I'm just paraphrasing what was mentioned on a radio broadcast back then.

[–] spicehoarder@lemmy.zip 5 points 3 weeks ago

"Fast casual sex" implies the existence of "michelin rated sex".

[–] StabbingSky@lemmy.zip 4 points 4 weeks ago

I know that's a thing at the Texas ren fest.

[–] charokol@lemmy.zip 4 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (3 children)

I know it’s just a joke and I know I’m taking this way too seriously but the β€œ thing implies the existence of thing” meme really annoys me, because no it doesn’t imply that at all.

[–] 13igtyme@startrek.website 9 points 4 weeks ago

The existence of a meme being annoying when taken too seriously implies the existence of the meme not being annoying when not taken seriously.

[–] Aralakh@lemmy.ca 4 points 4 weeks ago

Pretty beat to death for sure, though this still made me do a brief chuckle.

[–] dreadbeef@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 3 weeks ago

you are right about taking it too seriously haha

[–] ikidd@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 4 weeks ago

I'm in the 100m dash, trying to get sub 10s.

[–] rockerface@lemmy.cafe 3 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

It's graded on speed, endurance, technique and style

[–] martti@suppo.fi 3 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Speed is the worst category.

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 3 points 3 weeks ago

Dude it's not golf - the goal is to have the highest score.

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[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 3 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

I'm ranked at Bronze I after a decade or so playing.

[–] ddplf@szmer.info 4 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Many aspire to reach bronze

[–] SPRUNTnsfw@fedinsfw.app 3 points 4 weeks ago

We have that. AVN announces winners every year.

[–] Evotech@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago
[–] TheStaffmaster@lemmy.world 2 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

I was high once and had the idea that masturbation could be an olympic sport. Even worked out the scoring metrics. For men it would be based on duration, and distance/volume, and for women it would be based on style points for Dildo use/ girth/length taken etc.

I WAS HIGH AT THE TIME, FFS Relax. I don't need a litany of how disgusting that is.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

What systems did you have in place to counter doping?

[–] TheStaffmaster@lemmy.world 1 points 3 weeks ago

I'd wager that muscle relaxants in the lube would probably easily detectable. As for the guys, I'm not sure cum pills are testable... πŸ€”

[–] Hack3900@lemy.lol 3 points 4 weeks ago

I don't want to lecture you I want to know everything, I want numbers! I want tech!!

Just ask Debbie and Bonnie Blue!

[–] myyass@lemmy.world 1 points 4 weeks ago

Look I have a Master Guardian Elite rank in sex. I don't know if I could handle Global Elite.

My best streak was 6 hours!--not actually a joke, not sure what I was thinking but it was funny when she fell asleep on the toilet.

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