No Stupid Questions

You just have to work up to it, little by little. Getting a job, hobby, or volunteer work that takes you to lots of different places can help.

I know what you mean with the parents providing transportation to everywhere! I was in a similar situation when I moved out. I was often too anxious to enter a store on my own because I had never had to do that alone (or really been given the opportunity to do that alone).

What helped me was finding a nice coffee shop near my place. They had delicious matcha lattes and I made a tradition of walking there on weekends. Then I realized that I could stop at a scenic park on the way back home. Then I realized that I liked walking around. Then I realized that there are cats outside and I can pet them! And at some point I also got really into pokemon go. It was a compounding series of small realizations that I could just go out and do things.

Disclaimer: I'm not from the USA and I am white, so that affects my experiences of this.

Side note: I've made a map of the locations at which I have encountered cats, making note of how many were there and if they were friendly or not. It gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment.

That sounds like me at 23. Do you by any chance have OCD? Or maybe autism? I would try asking for a diagnosis from a psychiatrist.

Just so you have hope. I am funtioning member of the society as in I can go out for groceries/doctor's appointment etc. So don't lose hope.

As for how, the hard truth is you will need exposure. It kinda never goes away (atleast for me) but it gets managable. I would recommend asking a friend to accompany you first few times and then try going out alone and slowly and gradually it will get better.

Another piece of advice that was kinda profound moment for me during my therapy. Try not to look for what went wrong in your past, I remember I was listing things to my psychiatrist about how my mom did this and my dad did that and she said: don't dwel in past because you can never change it, instead think about what you can do today to make it better.

Other ideas: play Pokemon Go or try geocaching as a hobby. The main thing that gets you over that weirdness barrier is feeling like there’s a reason for you being where you are — like you belong there. The only way to get that is through exposure, but the easiest way to get THAT is to already have a reason to be there.

Geocaching will only work if there’s others doing it in your area, but it will also give you a sense of community and connection, which will help when going other places. Plus, both things are global, so you can take them with you anywhere.

This is exactly my problem with BCs stupid laws. Kids can't be without their parents until 11.

ELEVEN!

Christ. How do they ever learn independence when they spend all of the most crucial years of their development forcibly tied to the parents hip?

I was allowed to go to the corner store at five. By ten I was completely independent and mowing lawns as an afterschool job.

Great question.

I would suggest picking a spot to go to and coming up with a complete plan of how to get there. List all the things you need to do to get there and back as well as what you’ll do when you get there. List all the things that you think may have a stumbling block or learning curve.

I’m old and I still do this for new places.

It’s not embarrassing, it’s planning.

Enjoy! You’ll be fine!!

Exposure therapy?

Start small, do it over and over, gradually increasing the amount.

Are you starting university?

If so, take things slow and stick to campus. Dorm room for meal and then back to your dorm.

This is such a foreign question for me. In the country I grew up in children are kicked out of the door to go and play outside as soon as possible (age 3 or 4? Idk, long time ago). My parents would give me rules like "don't cross the big road! And home by 6" and I would ride my tiny bike around the neighborhood together with my friends.

I think you'll just have to go out as much as you feel OK with. And maybe think of a plan B for when things do go wrong. Stay close to other people who can help out if something goes wrong, tell others where you are and when they should expect you back, take self defense classes, have a phone at the handy, etc.

As others have already said, exposure can be a good way to overcome fear. Start by going somewhere nearby. Maybe ask a friend or someone you feel safe with to accompany you on walks or public transportation a few times until you are familiar with the route or area. Download an offline map in case you get lost. 

You said you feel out of place at your local library , but they’re a quiet, safe place where everyone generally minds their own business. You can probably even bring take your own ebooks there to read. You don’t have to interact with anyone if you don’t want to, just get used to being in a different setting.

Try riding a bike?

You’re moving faster so people don’t expect you to stop and talk or anything. The bike ride is reason enough to be outside, so you don’t have to feel that awkwardness of being somewhere without a purpose.

Is there anything near your home that you can walk to, to start? A park, a convenience store, or even just a friend's house? I would start with those destinations, and then work your way to farther journeys. My presumption is that there are at least sidewalks and crosswalks near you, as some parts of the USA are genuinely built in the most pedestrian-hostile way. Also, I am assuming that there isn't some sort of hazard that would prevent you from being safe in public, apart from the political climate.

Those farther journeys need not be on foot, but you could take a bus, a bike, or anything else that's available to you.

One of the best things my parents ever did for me was let me start riding a bicycle to school in high school. I’d walked to and from elementary but that was only a few blocks away, high school was miles away.

I rode about 16 miles a day, across busy streets and through neighborhoods and a state college, and it didn’t take long before I was going much father than that for recreation on the weekends too.

When I was on my own as an adult, I was ready.

If you’re not ready yet, you will get there. Start small, push your comfort zone a little bit every day, pretty soon it will feel normal.

So like… I feel scared about the idea of like… just going for a walk all by myself…

How about making a list of the things you think would possibly happen to you going for a walk by yourself that would justify being rationally scared. Then go through the list and consider even if each event is possibly, how probable is it? I think you'll find that that things you're most afraid of are the least likely to happen.

Now as a comparison, make a list of all the things that could happen to you staying at home. Another list of all the things that could happen to you being driven to your destination. Assign realistic probabilities to each event. I'm guessing you'll find that the probabilities of bad things on each of these three list will all look pretty equal. If they are equal, then going for a walk is no more dangerous that staying home or being driven somewhere.

In a sense, if you're afraid to go for a walk, you should be equally or more afraid of going for a drive or staying at home. As such, its not more dangerous to go for a walk than the other option.

Exposure time, taking pressure out of the equation and reflection (thinking what felt good, distinct or interesting etc).

With experience comes confidence, which is like personal infrastructure.

Bikes are anonymous, especially road. No one is watching or paying attention... Part of the problem too, but still. I've been through some shit on a bike, but honestly still recommend it 10/10. The odds of you encountering some political refugee with a third grade education and a four page long driving record are nearly zero. You will never learn an area like you will on a bike. I have been all over Orange county and have ridden a lot of Los Angeles, Riverside, and San Diego, all from just starting from home. I know places on a different level than most people, like I know the bike trails, back roads, fire routes, parks, military bases, and all the way down to connections that are not intended like through golf courses, sidewalks and stuff. I know of a bunch of eclectic pastry shops too because I would make them destinations to push up my miles. Like, today I'm going to hit up a Persian place in Tustin, then a French shop in Huntington Beach before heading home for an 80 mile day. It takes awhile to build up that kind of strength, but only around a year. It is the ultimate freedom.

If you truly haven't had exposure then really all there is to it is doing it and seeing that it's okay. I wouldn't want you to route through dangerous neighborhoods or near an ICE facility entrance or anything, but areas you're familiar with visiting with your parents that aren't too far away should be easy targets to talk to and get value from the independence traveling on your own affords you. It should be pretty motivating in itself to no longer have to run on other people's schedules once you experience it.