Ask Lemmy

Please don't tell your boss about your mental health problems. Nothing good will come of it.

I'm a boss and try to minimize my shittiness. I want my team members to take PTO for mental issues or whatever else they need but I do not want to know the details. That is for their own protection. If they need medical accomodations they should go through the formal channels, getting it properly documented so they have full legal protections. Anything other than that, sharing their personal medical information with me or anyone else at this Mega Corp^TM^ is a bad idea for them. (US-based, think about your own country's protections before considering this advice).

Your boss sounds like an incompetent asshole. Even with a empathetic human boss though, don't tell them the details of your personal issues.

Not caring about your PTO reasons is NOT the same as not carrying about you. You ARE an adult, and you can plan and take your rest days as you see fit.

Some bosses don't hand-hold so much, as they're busy or just not interested in things that don't affect the team and its smooth functioning. If your boss trusts you to plan things, to seek out help if you need something, and doesn't care about the minutia, that's a very good thing.

As soon as my manager told me that the higher ups looked at my GPS records.

Your mental problems are yours, not your bosses. The simple question of "Are you taking the time off or not?" would maybe have been a more professional way of handling it however.

That said, what makes you chose to stay at a job or move on is entirely up to you. If you want an environment more attuned to a "sensitive ass man like me", go find one.

As to what has made me walk out, a far from complete list includes:

Suffering multiple hospital requiring injuries and not being allowed to leave my station.

New management changing the scheduling policy so that I'd be required to work nights and weekend.

Not receiving a promised raise after a significant project.

Being assigned an impossible task to be used as the scape goat for a failing project.

Being assigned a management role after explicitly stating I could not manage a team in the field when I don't speak the language.

Not wanting to transfer to the new location.

Realizing I was too old and broken to enjoy working in such a confined, loud, dirty, and crowded environment.

It was my birthday and I wanted to quit as a present to myself.

I work for a very large company. Late last year they decided to completely eliminate our division in Sydney, Australia.

That, on it's own, was not a problem, stuff like that happens all the time. What WAS a problem was that nobody in North American management was told until a week before the shut down. "Oh, by the way, Sydney's last day is Friday..."

So those of us in North America were like "Welp, writing is on the wall..."

I was out for medical starting 1/14, I came back for one day on 3/24 and found North America was shut down too. My last day is 5/22 and until then I have a no show job followed by 5 months severance.

When I am dealing with deception, or dishonesty.

I have owned a business twice, and partially run another on the back office side.

Thing is, business is hard. You may not realize how often the business is on the brink of failure. That can be super stressful. Things often look different from an outsider's perspective that does not interact with the books. Cash flow is the super critical factor. Employees are the biggest expense that is very difficult to deal with. In many cases, there is no connection between each employee and revenue. So it is hard to separate perception of the burden from the person as a human. People management sucks for this reason. It is best to run the books and back office separate from people managers. Thing is, the type of person you want managing the back office is likely terrible at people management.

I am this kind of asshole. I do not manage people unless I have to. I do care, a whole lot in fact, on the logical empathy side. I am just not very in tune with other people's emotions in the moment. If I have a ton on my plate, I will skip what I am able to. I'm not actually trying to justify being a jerk. It is not an excuse. I am often just unaware and focused on other things. I do not take "me" to work. I do the job for which I am paid. It sucks, but it is not personal to me unless someone fucks with my pay.

Not trying to make excuses or call you out. I am just saying, it might not be as you imagined. Sounds like they do not value you as much as you would like. If you are able to find better, go for it. I would not walk into the void over it without a replacement.

This is capitalism, so in that context the boss is right. He doesn't care about you beyond what profit you can make for him personally, and beyond whatever the letter of the law requires him to care about you. You're a replaceable piece of wetware that he will quickly trade out for a better performing piece, if that means less hassle, and/or more profit for him. And, it sounds like he might be on the edge of doing just that.

This is the world we've allowed to be built, and by our acquiescence, live in.

My grand boss left, then my manager, then his peers, then most of the c suite, then all of engineering leadership (the same week). It was time a few steps before that 😅

The first real job I got out of college accepted my first pay offer without negotiation, so I immediately knew I was underpaid. My own fault there.

My first year comes and I ask my boss about doing my year review. He tells me that since they're in March and September, I'll have to wait 3 months.

The next week my buddy calls me and asks if I want to work for his company. This was his third time asking me. I say, fuck it, sure, I'll interview. My offer was a 50% raise. I left immediately.

And now fast forward 4 years and I'm about ready to get out of here too. From weird random accusations to giving my own friends the ringer when I had them also interview.

They said they were busy, which may well be true.

You started the discussion in a meandering and unprofessional manner which could be perceived as time wasting. Also who says their brain was broke? Very strange behaviour in a work setting.

Many people in a professional setting want things ‘to the point’ especially when they are busy.

Saying they didn’t read your emails may have been to save face for you if they considered the content embarrassing or unprofessional conduct.

2019 . Stressed out in a stagnated position, relatively low pay, and I kept yearning for a career I had "left for good" back in 2012.

Well, I contacted a few former coworkers, and got back into my former career. No regrets. Turns out normal jobs are for normal people - I was never cut out for 0800-1600 work hours at the same place every day.

I've never had such a toxic statement come from the person who is supposed to look out for their employees wellbeing. They at least act like they have your best interest at heart.

Sorry to hear about your rough time. If I can share an insight, in the hopes you find it helpful; you have an overly high view of what managers are and do. Good ones try to do this, but the default is not this at all.

Your managers are there to make sure you get the job done in a manner consistent with their operating policies and proceedures. This can vary a lot depending on the job and industry, but it usually means, fast and cheap and profitable.

At no point does your well being enter into the equation. The very rare exceotion is for highly skilled ultra-rare empoyees in critical roles. They are too valuable to lose and get some consideration. Everyone else is disposable.

It's cheaper and easier to fire somone you lose confidence in, than it is to deal with someone with chronic issues who can't seperate their personal and professional life. Your messaging would be interpreted by most managers in this context. You're sowing the seeds of doubt and it can't help and can only hurt your standing in a company.

My advice, seek comfort and support outside of work. Don't let your boss know anything worse than cold&flu. Never share chronic conditions unless absolutely necessary. It almost never helps, but can and will be used against you in a court of employer opinion.

Source: Am manager, Have hired and fired many times, never because I wanted to. Always because the business demanded it.

When I realised I will never get happy there. Go get something else

In retrospect, the 3 times the company has taken away free sodas, and it’s always been a sign that the business is no longer healthy and I should start looking for another job.

I don't necessarily hate my coworkers but the place is so small that things get mismanaged, not enough budget, people being shoehorned into management where they don't fit, and overall just a lot of not having anything being standardized.

There's very little room to make any significant contributions because management won't listen to you. You might think in a small place there would be wiggle room and a willingness to listen to folks because we all know each other, but here it's just more of the bigger corporate "don't rock the ship" mentality and again the bad management that were grandfathered into their position don't want to be challenged. It's pathetic.

Also, because it's so small, there's little room for growth beyond whatever maybe very specific thing you wanted to get out of the job, but after that? You don't move up, things (again) don't change because people have gotten used to just barely stringing things together even though when you have to go through it all, people are still wearing multiple hats and the people that should be trying to standardize things so that there's efficient interactions and cohesion don't do it because AGAIN, those fuckers don't know what they're doing. They're needed for a very specific responsibility and just so happened to be tacked on as a manager as well.

So done with this shit. Fucking hate working at SMBs.

Almost two decades ago. Someone from HR accidentally emailed a spreadsheet of all employee salaries to everyone. That's where I saw the salary disparity not only between levels but also between people at the same level. I think I left within a couple of months after that incident.

When I was recently laid off, it was a fairly obvious sign.