this post was submitted on 06 May 2025
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As a machinist a lathe is the first thing that comes to mind, you get some clothing or even a rope caught in the wrong place and it'll eat you alive

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[–] HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

An industrial wood chipper (used in saw mills). The disc is 5' 6", holds 6 x 18" knives and can chip an 8' x 15" diametre log in about 1 to 2 seconds.

It is deadly as they come.

[–] MTK@lemmy.world 2 points 6 hours ago

Lock them in the server room for a few days, maybe hypothermia?

[–] finalarbiter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 8 hours ago

Lock that fucker in the burnout oven and see how long they exist at 800°F (~426°C)

[–] biofaust@lemmy.world 9 points 15 hours ago

Marketing strategy powerpoints

[–] binary45@lemmy.world 5 points 14 hours ago

I work at a bowling alley with a bar, so there’s quite a few ways.

  • Hit them with a bowling ball.
  • Beat them with a bumper stick.
  • Make a Molotov cocktail.
  • Use the knives in the kitchen to stab them.
[–] Madblood@lemmy.world 18 points 19 hours ago

I could bore him to death with Teams meetings.

[–] octobob@lemmy.ml 3 points 14 hours ago

Probably busbar running at 6 to 10,000 amps. DC power.

[–] bramkaandorp@lemmy.world 3 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Stage engineer: Fly system.

[–] ripcord@lemmy.world 2 points 15 hours ago

Thanks for this. It led me to a super interesting Wikipedia article on it.

[–] abigscaryhobo@lemmy.world 1 points 12 hours ago

Outright? Probably not a much, but I could definitely yank some wires or disable some safeties that would do the job with a little encouragement.

[–] stringere@sh.itjust.works 2 points 16 hours ago
[–] moopet@sh.itjust.works 4 points 19 hours ago

You could definitely kill a villain with my laptop, if you fired it with sufficient force from a cannon.

[–] SaltSong@startrek.website 4 points 19 hours ago

I have several 300 gallon mixers at work, and a QA lab. If the mixer won't do the job, I'll just pour acids in until it is reduced to soup.

Then I'm fleeing the country because maintenance will make the eldrich horror look like the easy choice.

[–] brown567@sh.itjust.works 5 points 21 hours ago

I commute, so train?

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 13 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (3 children)

If there's one thing I've learned from horror movies it's that unless you have some weird satanic ritual, nothing can stop the bad guy.

But also, I'm a janitor at McDonald's; I could probably slow them down with soapy water or even just leaving the floor oily. I doubt they wear non-slip shoes. Pull some Scooby Doo shit, slick up the floor, Jason comes after me and slides into the freezer, which I then lock.

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 3 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Does it necessarily need to be the tools of your specific job? You might not use the deep fryer in the execution of your personal duties, but it is at your job and, I imagine, could have an impact if you could get your opponent to it. (Perhaps even combining it with your previously mentioned strategy.)

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 4 points 21 hours ago

I was just assuming the fryer or other actual weaponry (like knives) wouldn't do any lasting damage to the supernatural horror pursuing me. But Home Alone style mayhem would be fun. Incorporate the grills, the fryer, etc into a Rube Goldberg machine of pain.

[–] Cenzorrll@lemmy.world 1 points 21 hours ago

I was a manager at our student union building in college, very occasionally I had to go to the back of the food court since I had the magic keys and all. The shear amount of oil coating the floor after mopping in the Sonic area made me never want fast food again. I had non slip shoes and it was still like walking on ice.

[–] modeler@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

You could Rorschach them with 🍟

[–] everett@lemmy.ml 53 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] neidu3@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

I'm imagining the villain putting a gun to his head because of a one-star review.

[–] Kowowow@lemmy.ca 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Beating a villian through cyberbullying would be one of the funnier ways to win

[–] neidu3@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 day ago (6 children)

That's the gist of what we're doing to Elon these days. In case you weren't aware, read up on how his PoE livestream went.

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[–] Opinionhaver@feddit.uk 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Most of my tools could - just a matter of how many swings it would take. Running them over with my work truck would probably be the quickest and chainsaw the messiest.

[–] VindictiveJudge@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (2 children)

But which one would be the most satisfying?

[–] Opinionhaver@feddit.uk 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Zip tying their hands behind their back and handing them over to the police, I guess.

[–] 5parky@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

Nail gun lobotomy? Or maybe that was my band name in the 00's. I don't remember for some reason.

[–] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 day ago

I'm an auto mechanic, honestly like 80% of the things I touch every day could kill most things if applied properly.

Thinking about reach and convenience from my toolbox, I'm thinking the 5' steel prybar (effectively a 10 lb baseball bat with a sharp tip) or the cv axle I took out earlier. Honorable mention to one of a variety of possible chemical attacks or just straight up dropping a car on it.

[–] Bitflip@lemmy.ml 20 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I work at a tool store and often fantasize about a zombie apocalypse or something starting while I'm at work. Should fit this situation, so let's go! If it happens in... Aisle 1: dual wielding a drill and heatgun Aisle 2: dual wielding circular saw and angle grinder Aisle 3: put on safety goggles, strangle them with AirTool hoses Aisle 4: dual wielding air nailers! Aisle 5: giant wrench Aisle 6: screwdriver to the face Aisle 7: steel automotive jack handles Aisle 8: wench snare traps everywhere Aisle 9: pickaxe Aisle 10: generator fumes Aisle 11: tumbling tower of tires Back wall: hammers!

[–] Kowowow@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 day ago

Almost like that weapons museum in one of the john wick movies

[–] laranis@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 day ago

Feels like my local Harbor Freight...

[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Graphic Designer so maybe if it was a lawnmower man situation

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[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

The autopsy saw. It's a gleaming monstrosity of stainless steel designed to part human flesh like Moses parted the red sea. You can stack zombies as deep as you want, the saw won't even slow down. The only thing that will stop it is the length of the mechanical arm it hangs from, because it's unfortunately too heavy for most people to lift.

[–] AFKBRBChocolate@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

Recently retired from a place that makes rocket engines, and there's just so much. Start with a rocket engine itself - the combustion gasses are like 3300 C (6000 F) with more than 400,000 lb of thrust. But there's a lot associated. We dealt with lots of liquid oxygen and liquid hydrogen. We have a giant braze oven that we can put a whole rocket nozzle into. It's quite an arsenal.

[–] TwanHE@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

The cardboard crusher probably, just have to tip them over the edge. Puts them nicely in 1.5x1.5x1m cubes

[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 5 points 1 day ago

TPS report cover sheet.

[–] whotookkarl@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

Carpal tunnel slasher can't hold a knife

[–] Dagge@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

I work with IT but in a meat processing plant, the giant saw that cuts pigs in half would certainly do it. Even though all of the slaughtering and butchering have been dismantled many years ago due to cutbacks, it would be a very good location for a horror movie or an augmented reality experience or something like that, it's almost like everyone just up and left.

Really big laser - meant for cutting through thick steel, could probably slice most monsters Bond-villain style.

[–] Landless2029@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

I work from home...

Best I got is an old fashioned paper cutter that looked way too heavy duty.

Cue the scene from The Faculty where the bad boy twists off the blade of that thing.

[–] Nemo@slrpnk.net 5 points 1 day ago (3 children)

I work in a restaurant, so... garlic?

[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I wanna see you with an electric cake mixer and a determined expression.

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[–] _haha_oh_wow_@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

A server rack full of servers, dropped on the monster like a cartoon piano.

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