Ask Lemmy

I was as awkward as it gets. I thought I was ugly because I was told that all day every day by around me. Not my family z my family is awesome, but class mates, coworkers, etc. I was always heavily bullied.

I figured it out twice: first time when I started practicing full contact karate. Within two weeks everyone in school knew and the daily bullying just dead stopped in its tracks. I figured then that bullying has a lot to do with perception. If people perceive you as weak, some will pick on you. If you display strength, at least that part will stop.

However, the damage was done, I was socially awkward as hell, no idea how to talk to girls.

I figured it out for a second time when I married the most beautiful woman in existence.

I know, I know, I'm biased, but my wife is holy shit pretty and at our slightly advanced age, still has a bettery body than the average 18 year old. At first glance, anyone would guess she's 30. Add to that an amazing personality and a serious great and dark sense of humor, we laugh all day everyday about everything.

I would never ever in my life have thought I could get a woman like her and she actually WANTS to be around me. We are together pretty much 24/7 and even 6 years in we're still all day hand in hand, even when we're eating. We are nauseatingly close, and we love every second of our lives.

Still got a lot of other shit going on, a lot of stresses in our lives, but us together? We're golden.

I figured out that everything is perception. Be self confident because you trust yourself. Know yourself and stop being afraid of things that can't hurt you .

I went from straightedge to trying every drug once (ALMOST every drug!) and at some point something snapped and I just became comfortable and chill about everything, and I only feel awkward now if someone else is being hella awkward. Even then, I usually don’t bring attention to it if they’re well-meaning, but if a person is annoying awkward/malicious/etc I just leave.

Try out a bunch of different things until you find something you like.

finding a group wont stick unless you have a level of cohesion, which takes you being comfortable. I agree with your thoughts that can be via a study/hobby/shared interest. But a big bonus of this is your happiness.

Figure what makes you happy, this is not things...this is something that makes you feel peacefull, fullfilled, excited to be part of.

Use your comfort routines, but not to a detriment. Hiding is a comfort but not helpful to the end goal. Test the boundaries of being around people, practice small breathing techniques. There are lots of others just like you doing the same thing despite appearances.

Likewise there is always an arsehole. Everywhere, there is one at school, one at work, one on your street. Learning to spot them and live with them is uncomfy but is a good skill lifelong.

As others have said learning not give a fuck about what people think of you is liberating, however its also a balance as friendships need cultivating, this is part of routine, they are not just a need them when you need them thing.

Good luck, trying is the first step. I hope happiness finds you, and wraps you up.

I took estrogen and everything worked itself out from there~

Seriously though, there were a few factors. It was a combinations of building up my confidence (that's how estrogen helped, turns out when you stop hating your body and life, you get more confident) and actively constructing situations that allowed me to connect and build relationships with people. I started a book club as a not so subtle way to get people in a room and talking to me, I reached out to people to have them round for dinner, I put a lot of effort into being thoughtful and kind. Developing a variety of hobbies and interests means I have plenty to talk about and lots to fill my time when I'm not doing that - a creative hobby is especially great for that.

This won't be helpful but having kids helped me to feel much more like a competent person. I was so awkward, eating disordered, anxious, and having this one thing my body was so good at, a normal human function that worked normally for me, went a long way towards healing my relationship with my body; and babies are so cute people stop to admire them, so I had a connection to the outside world I was happy about, AND I had to go back to college so I could make enough money so it kick started my career.

I cannot imagine recommending kids as an answer, obviously that's ridiculous. But it was the main factor in my feeling more relaxed and less awkward.

It takes a while to learn how to not give a fuck about what people think of you. But in a respectable way of course. If you stop giving a fuck you can just be yourself. Took me at least until I was 25 before I could really be myself. Looking at the people around me that age can definitely be much lower or even higher though. I still care about what some people in my life think about me, and I try to live up to their expectations because I love them.

Your idea of doing social activities is a pretty good idea too. Meeting all kinds of different people is a good way to get out of your shell and you'll automatically care less about what they might think of you because if it doesn't click with them that's perfectly fine and you can just continue your journey.

I haven't completely figured it out. I was a very awkward and sheltered teenager twenty years ago for a lot of reasons I'd rather not go too much into. As a result there are very few people from my school, sixth-form and university days who I'm still in touch with.

What helped me come out of my shell was working in a call centre (where I had to start interacting with colleagues and customers) and more recently, karaoke. I've started going to pub karaoke nights quite often over the past two years and made some pretty good friends from it. It's not something I'd recommend from everyone, because the pressure to drink is there.

The secret, it applies to everything in life: No one cares about what you do, who you are, or what clothes you wear.

upskilling

Feel free, you're free, no one cares! Upskilling would be dancing lessons for an awkward guy/girl who doesn't know dancing is fun.

find a group

Find a group that does what you like or what you may like. Go one step further. If you feel that it could be interesting in a parallel universe, even if it's not your passion right now, try it.

hobby

What do you like? Take it to 11, write a blog, be an expert, you have all the time in your life!

Essentially, practice. I at some point figured that I was never going to be popular in the school I was in. So I used it as a testing ground. Tried different things, tested my classmates reactions. Because of my family moving I ended up at two different schools after that, which I could then also use to practice - each one worked out better than the previous one. Eventually I got to the point where I wasn't too awkward anymore. (Except until I was psychologically abused, but that's another story...)

I was absolutely terrified to talk to strangers so I got into a job where I was forced to talk to strangers on a daily basis.

Fake it til you don't look like an awkward person - level up tov only slightly odd.
Life is life - most 'adults' just trying to keep their head above the water.

But to help: find a community - your ideas for new skills are great. Learn to be confident in your knowledge - that help with awkward feelings.
Expose yourself to new ideas and meet new people. Put yourself in situations you hate like: public speaking.

Eventually you will get old and realize that nothing really matters.
You know, that awkward moment you still think before falling asleep: no one else remembers it. (Unless it was really a total cluster fuck - but i doubt it).
Anyhow, good luck! You can do it!

Summer camp might be a good option to break out of old habits, get new acquaintances and renewed self esteem.

I used to get made fun of for being a goth kid through grade school, always got the short stick kinda deal. Nowadays I'm a circus performer with an international social group, and I get to do some really cool shit, so suck it everyone who made fun of me.

To answer your question, hobbies and interest groups. It's gonna suck at first but you have to push through the discomfort. Cracking my egg also helped me a ton personally lol

yea, same question- looking for answers lol

Still haven't figured out what you mean with figure it out ...

(answering for someone else)