this post was submitted on 12 May 2025
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6
Did anyone's parents have sex around them? (lemm.ee)
submitted 8 hours ago by Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
47 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Did your parents have sex around you as a child?

And if so, what (if any) effect has it had on you?

Is it weird/confusing/traumatic for children, or does it provide a healthier and more realistic model of sexuality than pornography and school-based sex education?

all 49 comments
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[–] LandedGentry@lemmy.zip 7 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 51 minutes ago) (3 children)

There have been plenty of reputable studies that show parents need to stop being casually naked in front of their children by a certain age. Usually 5/6 IIRC. Otherwise it causes a lot of confusion for the kids as they start to develop sexually and become more curious about their own genitals. They don’t know how to tease out the difference between “I like how that person looks “and “that’s my mom.”

If you’re trying to actually understand the subject, I would encourage you to look at some of those studies. Not that this isn’t a worthwhile exercise I don’t really know what you’re up to so it may be exactly what you need. But if you’re looking for real answers, I would start there

Edit: since people are whining and downvoting instead of doing a 5s cursory search:

https://lemmy.zip/comment/18727368

[–] MummysLittleBloodSlut@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Do the studies exist?

[–] LandedGentry@lemmy.zip 1 points 51 minutes ago (1 children)
[–] BlameThePeacock@lemmy.ca 1 points 12 minutes ago

Both of those first two studies (the third one is not a study) say that there's actually not a significant harm, especially just for nudity.

Not to mention the fact that they're both really old (pre-2000) and based on data collected from the 1970s to the 1990s and pre-date home internet access and only from data collected in the US(actually only in 3 cities in California)

[–] 211@sopuli.xyz 13 points 4 hours ago (4 children)

Link to those studies, please.

There's a huge difference to just seeing a naked body doing its thing, like sauna, or swim, or relax in the sun, or sleeping, or ill; and the same body as an erotic object

[–] MummysLittleBloodSlut@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9681119/

At age 17-18, participants were assessed for levels of self-acceptance; relations with peers, parents, and other adults; antisocial and criminal behavior; substance use; suicidal ideation; quality of sexual relationships; and problems associated with sexual relations. No harmful "main effect" correlates of the predictor variables were found.

boys exposed to primal scenes before age 6 had reduced risk of STD transmission or having impregnated someone in adolescence. In contrast, girls exposed to primal scenes before age 6 had increased risk of STD transmission or having become pregnant.

It is suggested that pervasive beliefs in the harmfulness of the predictor variables are exaggerated.

[–] LandedGentry@lemmy.zip 2 points 45 minutes ago* (last edited 44 minutes ago)

Notice the studies almost always cap at 6. I say “almost” out of caution, I have always seen it as 5 or 6.

[–] AmidFuror@fedia.io 7 points 3 hours ago

That's what I keep telling the community pool manager, but I'm still banned.

[–] jerkface@lemmy.ca 1 points 3 hours ago

I'd also like to investigate how this jives with the well documented sexual attraction dynamics of siblings. Those who grow up together are almost never attracted to each other no matter how much they see each other naked. Those that are raised separately and meet for the first time as adults are often very attracted to each other due to genetic reasons that apparently we have a mechanism for overcoming when raised together. I would expect to find there was a similar mechanism regarding our parents.

[–] LandedGentry@lemmy.zip -3 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (2 children)

I’m not getting bogged down in an argument picking apart my source because someone made up their mind already. Plenty to choose from it’s a well-trodden subject. Find a journal or outlet you respect.

[–] JokklMaster@lemmy.world 5 points 2 hours ago (2 children)

My sources aren't strong enough so I refuse to share them.

FTFY

[–] LandedGentry@lemmy.zip 2 points 55 minutes ago* (last edited 26 minutes ago)

Think what you want, you’re free to look it up or not. I don’t really care. I made an observation if yall want to follow it up or not. I’m not having a debate over this

[–] 211@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

If it's so well trodden then share a review or meta-analysis, nobody (or at least not me, doubt anyone else either) will bother to dig out the referenced studies one by one.

[–] jerkface@lemmy.ca 8 points 4 hours ago

Citation required

[–] Bort@hilariouschaos.com 24 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

What the fuck

[–] oce@jlai.lu 16 points 8 hours ago

Yes, the fuck.

[–] Astigma@feddit.uk 20 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (2 children)

From your post history it seems you’re in or from the UK so you should know performing any sexual act in front of a child is illegal in the UK and honestly, just asking this question seems noncey.

Edit: Lots of paedo apologists in this thread it seems.

[–] voracitude@lemmy.world 6 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) (1 children)

just asking this question seems noncey

But why? Would it be noncey to talk about whether we got circumcised as children and how we feel about it now?

Most people who get circumcised are fine with it and think it's weird or gross to not be. I'm not cut and I hate the idea of it ever being done to me though. Odd how reality defies expectation there. I wonder if that is true of other men too. Hmm, maybe there are other topics this could also be true in, do you possibly think?

This question is about the habits of people's parents, and how it affected them growing up. This is not a question about fucking kids, and interpreting it as such is so out there it borders on the deliberate, which seems pretty fucking noncey to me. Why are you interpreting this as asking for permission to fuck kids?

[–] Astigma@feddit.uk -3 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (2 children)

Fucking in front of a child and people talking about their mutilated penis with other adults are not at all comparable. What a wild false equivalence to make.

I also made no assertions that the OP was asking for permission to be a paedophile. I do however think it's not an unreasonable assumption to make that a paedophile may want to read stories of parents sexually abusing their children.

[–] voracitude@lemmy.world 4 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 49 minutes ago) (1 children)

We are not talking about fucking in front of children, we are talking about the lived experience of people who that has happened to and how it affected them. That means you are the one drawing false equivalence (you are equating fucking in front of kids with talking about the impact it had on the person). These are life experiences and can be talked about without the need for any thought-policing by you.

I also made no assertions that the OP was asking for permission to be a paedophile.

Is that so...

just asking this question seems noncey

This you?

[–] Astigma@feddit.uk 0 points 3 hours ago

Warning someone that the question they have asked comes across as noncey is not the same as calling them a nonce. Again with the false equivalences.

Maybe I could have worded it better, how about:

"Hey OP, just a heads up, while you yourself may not be a paedo some people may enjoy this thread less for the thought provoking cultural exchanges and more so for the enjoyment of reading about child abuse."

How's that?

[–] remon@ani.social 2 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

I do however think it’s not an unreasonable assumption to make that a paedophile may want to read stories of parents sexually abusing their children.

Really, that's where you mind went from reading OPs question? I think that says more about you than OP.

[–] Astigma@feddit.uk 1 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (1 children)

So you honestly think a thread about child abuse won't have paedos rubbing their hands with glee?

[–] remon@ani.social 2 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (1 children)

This wasn't really a thread about child abuse until you showed up.

[–] Astigma@feddit.uk 1 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Performing a sexual act in front of a child is child abuse. Don't be obtuse.

[–] remon@ani.social -1 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Right, exept OP said "around", like in the same house for example. It was you that changed it to "in front". Those are very different implications.

[–] Astigma@feddit.uk 1 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (1 children)

That is how you chose to interpret it. They also go on to talk about pornography and sex education which implies some amount of awareness from the child, no?

I don't know what point you're trying to make or why you're defending some perceived slight I made towards the OP when I didn't even call them a nonce. Their own reply to me was amicable. Seems like you're just being defensive for the sake of it?

[–] remon@ani.social -1 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Dunno, you just came across as a little bit noncey.

[–] Astigma@feddit.uk 1 points 2 hours ago

If I have I certainly didn't intend to.

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 7 points 7 hours ago

For sure. And just to be 100% clear: child welfare needs to be our top priority at all times and in all places, with no exceptions. Lemmy is international and multicultural though and the post is already producing thoughtful and responsible discussion based on lived experience.

I'm happy for mods to remove the post or even to remove it myself if the discussion becomes toxic or unsafe.

[–] doug@lemmy.today 17 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

My parents encouraged destigmatization of nudity (nudist beaches, a shower or two together, etc.), but no they did not have sex around me or my siblings and think that’d be fucked up if someone told me their parents did that to them.

[–] TerranFenrir@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

I can't even think of how someone would have "sex in front of their kids". Sure, sex when kids are say in the next room, or in the same house seems harmless enough.

I imagine that OP meant a scenario like, "hey kids, don't come in our room without knocking, because we're going to have sex" instead of "this is how you give a BJ. Let me demonstrate on ur dad. Watch n learn bitch". If they meant the latter, then... uhhh yeah that's fucked up.

[–] dwindling7373@feddit.it 4 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Yes they did since houses are relatively small as far as distance go and there's plenty of couples with more than a child.

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 0 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

And is that typical in the culture you're from?

[–] dwindling7373@feddit.it 6 points 6 hours ago

Indoor sex while parenting is not unheard of. It's not a highly discussed topic, but it's not frowned upon either.

You could probably find the odd parents that lose their drive while parenting.