Programmer Humor

Back in the day there used to be specialized equipment for this purpose called an office, of which you had your own and could close the door to

in this one picture, I see generations of so many individual great ideas coalescing into one fantastically bad idea (and stupidly comical consequence) that is so... bizarre that I can both simultaneously understand why nobody really saw it coming, and am in low-key disbelief that this is even real...

This is fox news levels of propaganda but on the left

Hook it up to a bong and you've suddenly made work a hell of a lot more interesting.

If YouTube’s automated subtitles are anything to go by, it’ll randomly start thinking I’m speaking Vietnamese.

I got subpoenaed once and the stenographer used one of these.

People all over the world make good livings at jobs you've never heard of, or imagined existed. Jobs that will not be done by machines anytime soon.

Anyone needs handmade wooden furniture?

Because that's what i'm going to be switching careers to if that trend comes to my place.

I would rather do almost anything than talk to a device, except in very specific circumstances.

I set timers and play music on a smart speaker somewhat often.

Occasionally, when I am alone, know exactly what I want to say, and my hands are full, I might dictate a text message.

But other than that, I will not be talking to my device, thanks. The human voice is primarily for talking to other humans, with all the imprecision and uncertainty and emotional resonance that entails. Keyboards are great tools designed for precise computer input, and I would like to continue to use them.

Or, listen me out, they could work from home.

Developer to LLM: I am your father!

Why stop at feeding? Where's the penis and vagina tubes? We might as well be jorkin' it too if all the rich and powerful are.

This is such a Kafkaesque cyberpunk dystopian problem. This is needed because owners and managers want open offices for surveillance and coat cutting. They are also aware that only about half of workers thrive in those environments while the other have drops in productivity. Solution a cheap muzzle so that the workers who aren't as productive in noisy environments aren't disturbed.

Meanwhile could you imagine the smell of those things. You'd have to wash them everyday or have some kind of cover for them not to just have a permanent funk.

Did the CEOs unplug their keyboards? Wtf even is this?

high end office headsets already have excellent isolation, wearing a muzzle is just a humiliation ritual.

How about we just get to the logical conclusion:

✨ Techbro Land ✨

Hook them up to a simulation, yes, like The Matrix! In this simulation they get to do everything they dream of.

Crypto shitcoins as far as the eye can see. Their stonks all go to the moon. Everybody is prompting Ai any time their neurons accidentally bump together. The simulation will accurately simulate an entire earth population just prompting AI and glued to their phones. Look! More profits! Wow.

Ai gambling! Ai sports! Ai art! Ai dating! Ai social media! Ai business! Ai porn! It's all here in ✨ Techbro Land ✨.

We can even accurately simulate mass misery of the general population so our little tenants feel superior! Meanwhile, the Techbro doesn't need to sleep. They believe they unlocked the code to Immortality by micro dosing various hallucinogens and stimulants, allowing them to spend 100% of their day in a chair reviewing an Ai agent's reviewing of vibe code!

There are no "regulations" or even governments in ✨ Techbro Land ✨ . There's a single AI Simulated Singularity (A.S.S) TechBroKing Fascist that makes all the memes, and punishes all the poor working consumption class. Every living situation is AirBnB. All the cars are self driving 24 ton pickups. Trains only exist to ship drones and supplies for infinite data centers and government contracts.

Computing is subscription only, games are rented by the minute, nobody owns anything.

Profits go up and up and up and up and up without end. No climate change, despite the global temperature going up 12⁰C, wars are fought daily with killer robots...I could go on.

The important thing is: These little hoodie-clad megalomanics can't even tell they're actually just locked safely away from the rest of us in stasis in a former mega data center.

...The rest of us, in the real world, take the best of our computing standards with us, and dial all the bullshit back to like 2004 and try this shit again.