Ask Lemmy

The Homophobic Slurs would be a great band name.

You can reclaim slurs. Of course, ability to read the room is very useful, because in some settings using slurs, even if you're referring to yourself, isn't considered acceptable, like you don't swear if you're talking to kids or having dinner with your granparents.

I've noticed some of my gay friends try to "reclaim" slurs while others treat the words as taboo. Seems like a matter of personal preference to me.

TL;DR - Day's end you can call yourself whatever you want. It would be a problem calling them that when they don't like being called that. But also don't tell somebody else to call you that in hopes they'll get in shit.

You were hoping they'd get in shit for using the word, so your motives in that instance weren't exactly pure. Maybe reflect on that part. It's still weaponising the word.

Generally speaking though, to me it's no different than a woman going up to her group of girl friends and saying ''Sup bitches!!!', or Black people using the n-word amongst each other, or Roma people using g--sy amongst themselves. If a gay person wants to call themself a f-----, have at it!

I had a thing with some girl friends where we'd volley 'slut', 'whore', 'harlot', etc. at each other. We'd also try to get as ridiculous as possible with it the names. A random person shouting those names at us would be a bad thing, but the context and rapport we had with each other changed that in those cases. It's also something I wouldn't do with people I didn't really know regardless of gender since we don't have that background with each other.

I'm part Portuguese and if somebody wants to call me a pork chop I'm like, 'Damn straight!' and I'll sometimes call myself that too. But I won't call my cousin's cousin that because he doesn't like being called that and that's fine.

EDITED TO FIX FORMATTING... (still getting used to things on this platform, lol)

Sure, it's "ok" in that I don't think you should go to jail for it.

But you need to be "ok" with the consequences. Like how many people would be turned off by your language and would not want to associate with you. Who would judge you as a high-drama person to avoid (this is where I am personally, given your description of using a slur to try to bait someone into trouble). And people like school administrators who would remove you for breaking their specific rules on speech (or mods on a forum). And the employer who would fire you for using what is generally seen as unprofessional language.

I, personally, have no issue with being gay, agender, or affectionately or sarcastically referring to oneself as a faggot, but none of that is relevant to the particular usage that got you in trouble.

You weren't talking about yourself. You tried to bait another party into using hate speech to escalate a dispute. You wanted to weaponize a slur to play the victim and get someone else in trouble. And you did so in a public place where your behavior caused offense to bystanders.

Me and the bf say "those are bedroom words"

Partly in jest, but while some could argue the slurs have been somewhat reclaimed, some people are understandably bothered by them being used casually and might have traumas about them being used against them. Soo I avoid using it without knowing how my current company feels about it.

I don’t have an answer for you but as a straight woman I’m always really taken aback by “the other F word” I’ve defended many of my gay friends from this slur after they told me they were uncomfortable or simply confronted people about using it in my presence and while I also get the “taking back your power angle” I think it’s more a thing you should do with friends you know well enough to know they’re ok with it because lots of people do find it offensive and I know straight allies like myself will absolutely not be comfortable with it, even if I just assume you’re a self hating gay or an edgelord because I’ve spent a lot of energy over the years fighting that word

Just my 2¢

It sounds like such hard work to be a member of Gen Z.

I personally wouldn't. I've had a Black teacher telling Black classmates in my class to not use the N word, not even the variant ending in "-a".

As a Chinese American, I would not use these slurs to refer to myself nor any of my fellow Asian Americans.

I mean it's your choice, in real life you have free speech in many jursidictions, so its not illegal, but like I just don't agree with the idea of reclaiming slurs and other gay people might get offended at that use.

To me, if someone used those words, its internalized hatred towards their race/sexuality.

I think there are two conflicting strategies at play here.

First is common decency. You just don't say things that might offend people. All in all, a great strategy for everyday use.

But there's also when a group "takes back" their slurs and starts using them in a friendly way. They are essentially taking power away from those words. Maliciously calling someone a particular slur doesn't hurt so much when they call each other that every day. It's a good technique to disarm those who hate you.

But, then you have group A trying not to say these words and group B trying to "flood the market and reduce it's value" it creates a line of division. YOU can't say this word, but WE will, because we're trying to popularize and neuter it.

Neither is doing anything wrong, it's just two groups with the same goal, (no more hurtful slurs) but they are pushing against each other.

I would say no. If you think its an offensive word then why use it?

For you personally to use that word to describe or allude to yourself and only yourself seems like something thats totally your call.

I do have to say though that encouraging someone else to use a word that is (or was once) a slur - especially if they are not gay themselves and therefore cannot possibly be reclaiming it - feels like a regressive and fairly crappy thing to do (assuming that they are straight).

Between you and your friends, I don't have a problem with it.

In a controlled setting like a school (I'm guessing) then hard no. If you use those words then the bigots will say to authority, "but u/Genius said it!" and that's a whole can of worms the administration doesn't want to open.

slur yourself all you want if the word applies to you or your identity! maybe don’t ask other people to do it, though.

My take on the whole thing, is if you're cool being called these words by anyone (gay or otherwise) in a similar fashion, then go for it. Otherwise, don't. You show people how you want to be treated (though not everyone learns). Double standards like this, though, are not conducive of an accepting society, and they support continuous hatred, so, personally, I won't do it.

To your story, I'm not sure who got you on trouble, but it might have been seen more as you maliciously goating them? Honestly, I don't know, but it sounds plausible (stupid, yes, but plausible).

No you were not in the "right"

Two wrongs don't make a right

Depends: do you want rules that apply equally to everyone or rules that apply selectively based on your demographic status?

Personally, I choose the former.

Personally I think anyone trying to "reclaim" a slur is an ignoramus. Not everyone agrees with the use of those words in any context so it doesn't matter if you are "card carrying", it still doesn't make it okay to say in mixed company where you don't know how that word will impact those present.

I have seen this in action numerous times with different groups where someone catches a beating for dropping a slur even though they were "allowed" to say it.

They out-woked you and now you’re worried about it? Don’t worry about the rules. Main thing is don’t intentionally try to hurt people. If you become aware that something is unintentionally hurting somebody and it’s within reason to stop, you should probably stop. Call yourself whatever you want. Just understand that some people might be offended and at the end of the day it doesn’t matter as long as you’re not going out of your way to hurt people.

Some people take every word spoken literally - do not "slur yourself" in front of them. When you're with friends and family who "get" you, drop all the f-bomblettes you want 🗣️🪵

I’m curious about spelling out “enbies”. Seems like extra letters and obfuscation.

I think all oppressed people (which ultimately are all people except the ruling class) should bind together and break the system.

But yes, i think you have the moral right to call yourself whatever you wish. Do i think it is a great idea? Not sure. But I think you're entitled to it.

Yes. I believe so.

People just want to control your speech.

Unless you are insulting somebody it is none of their business. With that beign said people will have melt downs over it, I just let them have at it. It does require a thick skin but it can be fun. Since these people are generally not very bright. They think they are imposing "social consequences" but in reality most people don't give a fuck and can actually understand context.

Going forward just avoid having stupid idiots around, it makes for much better conversation tbh

If you want to normalise those things, yes.