this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2026
278 points (97.6% liked)

Not The Onion

21227 readers
1906 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 49 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 hour ago

Needed a swizzle pizzle?

[–] Widdershins@lemmy.world 4 points 6 hours ago

I said it in the thread from a few days ago: he's going to hollow out the baculum to snort drugs with.

[–] Rivermoonwolf@lemmy.world 3 points 6 hours ago

Truly a sentence I never in my wildest, most alcohol -fueled dreams did I ever think my eyes would have to endure

[–] devolution@lemmy.world 4 points 7 hours ago

These are our elected and nominated officials. You cannot make this shit up.

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 5 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Why does it say "Reading mode"?

[–] QuincyPeck@lemmy.world 5 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

To get you ready to read the article.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 6 hours ago

don't tell me what to do! I'm gonna make my computer's awful text to speech read it to me!

[–] limelight79@lemmy.world 8 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

The best part about this is that even after the whale head and other similar stories, he still doesn't stop to think, "hey, maybe I shouldn't share that story." He doesn't understand the problem, clearly, but he also doesn't even grasp that there is a problem with these stories.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 6 hours ago

maybe, just maybe, he's shared all these godsawful stories and ended up a leading politician somehow. maybe for him there isn't a problem because he keeps being enabled and that is what the problem truly is.

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 4 points 9 hours ago
[–] Spacehooks@reddthat.com 6 points 13 hours ago

Just offered it up to nurgle?

[–] undefined@lemmy.hogru.ch 25 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

I’m so fucking sick of these people. Just go crawl in a hole and die somewhere, why poison this earth and all our minds with your relentless, nonstop low IQ horseshit? Imagine waking up in the morning and having to be any one of these stupid fucks.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 5 points 11 hours ago

He has a podcast now! He tells THE TRUTH.

[–] becausechemistry@piefed.social 45 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

What a terrible day to know how to read

[–] stoy@lemmy.zip 9 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

What a terrible day to be litterate

FTFY

[–] yakko@feddit.uk 11 points 17 hours ago

Literate, possibly

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 9 hours ago

I'm sure they do this just to distract.

[–] vikingtons@lemmy.world 28 points 22 hours ago

well that's enough internet for today

[–] DarthPub@retrofed.com 18 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

Rfk jr cut the dong off a dead animal. trump put his dong in kids

[–] nightofmichelinstars@sopuli.xyz 5 points 22 hours ago

Peas in a pod

[–] AWistfulNihilist@lemmy.world 14 points 22 hours ago (3 children)

I really don't mean to defend this dude, so don't take this as that. Those Os penises (animal penis bones, baculum) are very collectable. I wouldn't want to be the person collecting and cleaning them, but this is extremely common to see people harvest baculum.

[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 11 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

is extremely common to see people harvest baculum.

Extremely may be an exaggeration...

[–] AWistfulNihilist@lemmy.world 5 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah, that's fair. I guess maybe extremely common compared to the harvesting of penises that don't have a baculum?

[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 3 points 4 hours ago
[–] LuckyDevil@piefed.social 10 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Interesting. Do you know why people collect them? Is it like a rabbits foot? Are there lucky raccoon penises out there?

[–] AWistfulNihilist@lemmy.world 13 points 21 hours ago (4 children)

They're just kinda cool! It's a Marge Simpson thing. You find them at oddity and reptile shows used as part of crafts all the time.

I saw this watching moonshiners on the history channel, so take it with a grain of salt, but the moonshiners were obsessed with them. Since they bend down at the end, you stick the bone into the spigot where the liquid comes out of the worm bucket (where the alcohol vapor condenses into liquid). It directs the flow into a jar. You can also use a stick, but these dudes were always just carrying raccoon dick bones that I'm sure they harvested themselves.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 4 points 6 hours ago

you know, i respect homebrew but i really want to make sure there's no raccoon dick in my whiskey.

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 5 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (1 children)

The same history channel that paid a guy to say that aliens built the pyramids?

Right, credible source.

[–] AWistfulNihilist@lemmy.world 5 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

100%, this the right way to treat a history channel reference. Fact checking is a requirement and trust should be withheld by default.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 3 points 10 hours ago

Thanks to MAGA, I have now officially heard EVERYTHING, and I'm not one bit happy about it.

[–] kboos1@lemmy.world 12 points 18 hours ago

dudes were always just carrying raccoon dick bones that I'm sure they harvested themselves.

That's enough Lemmy for tonight. Time for bed

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 6 points 22 hours ago

Yeah, that's how I got my first racoon baculum. Fox too.

There's even a fairly brisk if low cost trade in them, and is generally going to come from either winter deaths after spring thaws, or road kill.

[–] resipsaloquitur@lemmy.cafe 5 points 18 hours ago

Very cool and normal.

[–] KonalaKoala@lemmy.world 4 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

I think he would really be seen as a sociopath if this was "RFK Jr. Recalls the Time He Was Trying to 'Cut the Penis Out of Donald Trump' - Reading mode.

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 3 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Why does it say "Reading mode"?

[–] KonalaKoala@lemmy.world 3 points 7 hours ago

I don't know, but OP has it in the topic of this thread.

[–] muxika@piefed.muxika.org 11 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago) (1 children)

But Kennedy’s involvement with road kill did not stop with the bear.

Hold the fucking phone. This is not a subject to "yes-and" into.

To think that the Kennedy line ends like this is so damn sad.

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 3 points 7 hours ago (2 children)
[–] Malyca@lemmy.zip 2 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

He also drove a woman to suicide

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 2 points 5 hours ago

But that's not relevant to whether or not the Kennedy family ends with him.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 6 hours ago

and they testified before congress about a whale head.

in ten years barron trump is going to be unironically telling a house panel about growing up terrified of mooses and squirrels

[–] Cris_Citrus@piefed.zip 2 points 16 hours ago

ಠ⁠ . ಠ

[–] ThePowerOfGeek@lemmy.world 7 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (2 children)

He is such a weird and creepy guy. Even back ~~veggie these stores~~ when these stories came to light he had a weird vibe to him.

I cannot fathom how anyone could think "yeah, this guy would be an excellent President!"

Edit: curse you uncaught autocorrect mistakes!

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 3 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

I cannot fathom how anyone could think “yeah, this guy would be an excellent President!”

[–] egrets@lemmy.world 4 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (1 children)

back veggie these stores came to light

I'm glad you didn't proofread this comment veggie you posted it, because it made me laugh.

[–] ThePowerOfGeek@lemmy.world 4 points 13 hours ago

Holy shit, I swear autocorrect is at war with me! And I am clearly losing, lol.

Glad my mistakes gave you a chuckle. :)

[–] grimpy@lemmy.myserv.one 3 points 20 hours ago

“It was the best of times…”

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 1 points 17 hours ago

his current choice of drugs, is roids.