this post was submitted on 21 Mar 2025
449 points (99.1% liked)

Not The Onion

20868 readers
1548 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
all 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Deceptichum@quokk.au 146 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] Mihies@programming.dev 33 points 1 year ago

Lol, that was my initial thought as well.

[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago

This but it'll primarily be used against black students.

[–] thingAmaBob@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

As soon as I read the article, I was thinking the same thing! What the hell…

[–] kibiz0r@midwest.social 125 points 1 year ago (7 children)

Punishing women for being insufficiently feminine has always been a parallel goal of the anti-trans movement.

[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 67 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This will primarily be used against black students.

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 78 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Remember when long hair on lads just meant that they were hippies

[–] ebolapie@lemmy.world 60 points 1 year ago

They hate those too don't worry

They also said at one point that these guys were "corrupting the youth with their long hair."

[–] Asetru@feddit.org 62 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Republican lawmakers in Arkansas have introduced a bill that would allow lawsuits against anyone who [...] use a student's chosen name that is different from their birth name

Did you just call him Bob? Robert, call the name police! Now!!

[–] huppakee@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Was Arkansas always that conservative or this a recent thing?

[–] aturtlesdream@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago

It's a super religious state, something like 80% Christian, and a lot of those are the actual church going kind. It's the home of the Duggars (18 kids and counting) crazy baptist type sect of ultra conservative loons

[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

yes its a gop stronghold Huckabee sanders, recently(kinda) made child labor legal there.

[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

Ms sanders huckabee's state.

[–] SplashJackson@lemmy.ca 59 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] satanmat@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

Small government to tell me what to do... all controlling so I can tell YOU what to do.

[–] zenez@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Whoever told you that is your enemy.

[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 48 points 1 year ago

Nothing will meaningfully improve until the rich fear for their lives

[–] atro_city@fedia.io 47 points 1 year ago

The party of "small government".

[–] SARGE@startrek.website 42 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

Hi, gender is a spectrum and while I fully identify as male and straight*, I had long hair as a child. If my school had tried to cut my hair by force, I would have absolutely thrown hands, and I was not a small child. Apparently I pushed a teacher into a wall as a first grader but I have no memory of doing so.

Hair is not "gender conforming" unless you're the most vanilla, thinks-flour-is-spicy, "mayonnaise has too much flavor" basic bitch in the universe. If you really think hair has two genders "long and short" then you are just the saddest sack of shit.

Hair is whatever the fuck you want it to be. I decided I didn't want long hair anymore, so I started getting it cut short. I even had it around 1/4in at one point just because of how easy it was to be done with. Now it's long because before I got married, my now-wife said she liked when it was longer, so I'm growing it out again until we decide it's long enough or I get tired of it again. If I wanted to shave most of it right now, I can do that. Nobody controls my hair but me, and nobody has any say in how I keep it, short of safety concerns. (protip: hair ties and a hair net when working with rotary tools, once you've seen a video you never want it to happen to you)

Get the fuck out of here with this weak ass bullshit policing children's hair.

They won't be happy until everyone is a straight white silent and obedient clone of each other.

*It's a spectrum, sometimes I want to feel pretty so if you had to stick me in a hole I'd say I'm straight but I'm sure someone could make a convincing argument that I'm at least a little fluid.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Just look at this fucking pussy-ass bitch though:

[–] TheDoozer@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In all fairness I bet he gets a lot of gender fluids going...

[–] madkins@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Sploosh...or whatever the male equivalent is...which I guess is still sploosh.

[–] clif@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

I'm old but the shortest my hair has been in the past 35 or 40 years is shoulder length. Every other spring I have the spouse chop it off to shoulder length then let it go again for two years.

I'm also in Arkansas.

But, not a kid so I guess it's okay for me to be my filthy hippie / sasquatch self according to this proposal.

[–] ReginaPhalange@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

hair ties and a hair net when working with rotary tools

image

image

[–] NotSteve_@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Man for real. I’m a guy but I’ve had long hair nearly my entire life and have spent the last decade really making sure it was well cared for. Currently my hair goes down past my shoulders.

Fuck me for having nice hair though I guess

I've got a male friend who had the most luscious locks. Down to his chin. His wife made him cut it, and everyone who knew him was upset.

[–] einlander@lemmy.world 39 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] 9bananas@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Nagrom@lemmy.ca 36 points 1 year ago

Are we back in the sixties?

[–] CptCosmicMoron@lemmy.ca 35 points 1 year ago

Party of personal freedom!

[–] klu9@lemmy.ca 34 points 1 year ago

Arrest warrants being prepared:

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Do I have to put penises in my hair now or something?

[–] huppakee@lemm.ee 26 points 1 year ago

Heil the land of the free!

[–] Gingerlegs@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago

Freeedom! 🦅🦅🦅

[–] hperrin@lemmy.ca 13 points 1 year ago

“You are only allowed to express yourself in ways approved by the state.” - Free speech absolutists

[–] Hupf@feddit.org 3 points 1 year ago
[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

That's why I used the word primarily

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Y'all, ah'm worried about the Beava.