this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2026
662 points (99.1% liked)

Not The Onion

21227 readers
1906 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] undefined@lemmy.hogru.ch 168 points 18 hours ago (5 children)

while giving a sermon at the Pentagon

What the fuck? Why is this alcoholic giving sermons at the Pentagon?

[–] Jaycifer@piefed.social 2 points 7 hours ago

Read the article in this thread. It is insane. https://lemmy.world/post/45596499?sort=Top

[–] D_C@sh.itjust.works 26 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (3 children)

Why is an unregistered paedo, reality TV star, confirmed rapist, racist, convicted felon, bankruptcy champion, russian stooge, blatant corrupt, pathological liar, massively narcissistic, dementia riddled mushy brained, pussy grabbing sexual assaulter allowed to be the us president (twice)?

And why is the aforementioned ambling barrel of obese syphilis allowed to put these inexperienced idiots to be in such positions of power?

Christ, allowing a tantrumming toddler to have all that power is ridiculous in itself. But then allowing a manbaby to just gut and replace such important jobs with insane sycophants is absolutely moronic!

[–] FudgyMcTubbs@lemmy.world 3 points 3 hours ago

unregistered paedo, reality TV star, confirmed rapist, racist, convicted felon, bankruptcy champion, russian stooge, blatant corrupt, pathological liar, massively narcissistic, dementia riddled mushy brained, pussy grabbing sexual assaulter

He's also just a fucking dickhead -- nobody ever mentions that. And he's the worst kind of person -- an insufferable moron that thinks he's a genius (maybe that fits with "massively narcissistic" but I think it's different tho possibly related).

[–] MousePotatoDoesStuff@lemmy.world 9 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

Because the United States are broken beyond repair.

[–] Malyca@lemmy.zip 2 points 4 hours ago

They're actively trying to destroy it like Daddy Putin wants

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world 13 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

The typical American is desperate, struggling, frightened and beaten into apathy

Unfortunately, they're also incredibly poorly educated and ignorant.

What they're taught in school is a sanitised and propagandised version of the world, where America is always the hero

When they are shown how civilised countries operate, the response is always "this is America, we don't want that here, despite the fact that it's demonstrably better for everyone in society"

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 10 hours ago

Makes me remember sailors from the soviet union, laughing their asses off because we explicitly drove all our cars in front of their boat in the harbour to make them believe like everyone in Sweden had a car.

When it was just a normal day.

Bet usanians can't comprehend the freedom we have in europe either.

[–] devolution@lemmy.world 1 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Racism. George Washington should have let the southern states separate after the Revolutionary war when they threatened to if they weren't allowed to keep slaves.

[–] Quill7513@slrpnk.net 8 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

(George Washington was one of those slaveholders in a southern state)

[–] devolution@lemmy.world 3 points 12 hours ago

Thanks for the clarification. I forgot he was.

[–] Tyrq@lemmy.dbzer0.com 65 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (3 children)

Unsurprisingly, alcoholics are great at making bad and morally unsound decisions

Edit: since it looks like I'm probably being just a judgmental jerk.

I'm booze free for three years now, I've made my share of bad and morally unsound decisions with the stuff, but the best one was putting it down. If there's anyone out there who thinks they have a problem, I assure you it's worth whatever it takes to give it up, it's much nicer on the other side.

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world 11 points 13 hours ago

Don't lump decent booze-hounds like myself in with that worthless heap of shit

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 10 hours ago

GG!

Closing in on terminating the second year here!

[–] Impractical_Island@lemmy.world 3 points 18 hours ago (1 children)
[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world 4 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

You're giving alcoholics like me a bad image

[–] Impractical_Island@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago

Good thing I'm just your everyday window masturbator then

[–] leftascenter@jlai.lu 1 points 8 hours ago

I learned from kingdom come deliverance that the best sermons are made when still drunk from the day before.

[–] Impractical_Island@lemmy.world -1 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

He dis it pro boner like all things Rebuplicars do with there lives: abuse woman

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 3 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Spoken like a true philosopher.

[–] Impractical_Island@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago

I take offense to this! I AM a public masturbator, a good one at that, and I will not be shamed by association with homeless people, which I also was for four years