this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2026
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When I worked at Lowe's they could tell the instant shoplifters pulled into the parking lot. They even had nicknames for the repeat offenders.
"Heads up, Dumb and Dumber just pulled in, no doubt headed for lumber."
Only the dumb, obvious ones.
I assure you, I've shoplifted quite a bit from Lowes without ever drawing suspicion.
That you know of. Some places wait until you hit felony level totals, then inform the police.
I usually go for pretty small stuff. Statute of limitations will probably run out before I rack up enough to hit felony level.
"What are you in for?"
"Felony bubble gum theft..."
Lol fair enough
"Bit off more than you could chew, eh? Still, I like your gumption. I could use a man of your talents... And perhaps you could use a bit of 'job security', once you're out of here. 'Who's asking'? Well, son, you're looking at the mastermind behind the Great Maple Syrup Heist. That's right. It was almost perfect, but as you can see, things got sticky in the end. But this next job will be different. You got your start stealing candy from babies, just like everybody else, didn't you? Well, imagine stealing the candy before the baby even got it! Uh huh. So... I may or may not have come into possession of reliable intel about the Easter Bunny's secret stash... We're talking enough chocolate here to make each of us billionaires, once it's melted down, and minted into fresh, clean, completely untraceable chocolate coins. So, what do you say... are you in?"
You might be surprised at what they know! Dumb and Dumber above have no idea they're targeted. Small timers won't catch any heat as training is to let it slide above all. We had tips on how to "confront" shoplifters without actually saying anything.
Well, I never got 'confronted' at least.
I was explicitly trained never to do so.
Sounds like win win then.
I've gotten so many loose bolts and washers just laying around on the floor in the small parts section. I almost want to tell them to pay me for cleaning up their trash. Can't say I've ever made off with lumber though.
Same with the LEGO isle in Wal-Mart.
How does one shoplift lumber?
Lots of smaller goodies in there and that's where they always entered.
Put it in your pants and claim you just have wood.
The nickname wasn't because it rhymes. Because it doesn't.
Casually
I'm so proud to say I have first hand experience: very quickly.