Damn, I guess every so often someone independently invents Mormonism lmao

jesus said it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God. i wasn't willing to make this journey myself but i tried to put a grasshopper through the eye of a needle and i ended up impaling it through the forehead and the rest of the needle came straight out its ass.

i'm currently on a quest to figure out where john the baptist's head is buried.

Christianity loses basically all of its real historical support if you remove the Roman context. But that's kind of on brand for evangelicals who seem to think that "faith" is only pure when the conjecture defies all logic, reason and is in conflict with any external information.

What do leftists have to so with the Bible?

Also 2000 years ago river systems were different.

This is real dumb

Does that make the chosen people the Appalachian Hillbillies?

The idea of Americans believing the bible actually took place in the USA is the most American thing I can imagine.

Also, counterpoint: The Bible actually took place in Scotland, specifically in an around the Forth. Here are my arguments:

• The Forth has more than seven tributries, including (but not limited to) The Leven, The Esk, The Water of Leith, the Almond, The Avon, and The Carron.
• Scotland was actually, provably, occupied by the Romans and still has Roman remains.
• Splitting the sea at the Inchgarvie Narrows makes more sense than splitting the Red sea.
• The Islands of the Forth are full of Hermitages, and Inchcolm has a Abbey, why? BECAUSE THEY KNEW!!!
• The Temple was built on a mount and surrounded by walls? St Margaret's Chapel is on a mount surrounded by walls. Ergo; Edinburgh Castle is the actual site of The Temple!
• America has had no Presidents called "David", but Scotland has had two.

COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT!

If this is true shouldn't all the MAGGATs give up their land to Zionists?

Okay, the first problem is that the Bible does not say that Nile has 7 tributaries.

It says that (a different river, likely Euphrates), will get smashed into 7.

The second problem is everything else.

yes, they sold the greatest lie in history and were very successful with it

Yeah.

And Moses split the Gulf of California to deliver his people to the promised land... Baja California.

Ah yes, the Mississippi, the only river with 7 tributaries in the world. Of course.

And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in the stars and stripes, and laid Him in the bed of the truck, because there was no room for them in the holiday inn.

The fuck is a tributary? Because there are way more rivers than just those seven that drain to the mississippi. Wikipedia even says that tributaries include streams, and good lord I know even the tiniest of rivers will have many streams feeding it. Declaring a certain size of river/water body to be a tributary is just fucking around with numbers to prove your point.

so, this is what they mean by AI hallucinations?

Kinda related: The mormons believe that the garden of Eden was where Independence, Missouri is now... and everything resettled in the Middle East after the flood.

Obviously the answer is Jesus was in North America, Joseph Smith was right, and Matthew Mark Luke and John were a bit confused.

There's a guy who long maintained that the Garden of Eden is found near the Florida panhandle and there's a park to commemorate this.