“Just because you got burned doesn’t mean you get to go around setting everyone else on fire.”

A quote I remember often.

I fully agree with the message. I downvoted for the format.

Shit was rough. Break the cycle. Be the change you want to see.

Explanation, but not excuse.

But then, is there any excuse to be a shitty person. I can only thing of a couple of edge cases.

If you read only the black text, the sign is telling people it’s perfectly fine to be victims of their circumstances.

Jokes aside, I reluctantly agree with the sentiment that one or two commenters have expressed that it’s awful privileged to assume it’s within the capacity of those who endured childhood trauma to just “be better”.
At every moment of every day, I carry a wound with me that tells me I’m not good enough, that I’m both physically and mentally in danger, and that everyone and everything I trust will turn on me at a moment’s notice.
It’s a bit like handling a curve on a bike or car. On good days I feel like gentle tug of inertia trying to pull me from the path I’m steering toward. In this metaphor, the curves are the little challenges that are thrown at you socially. I see the edge of the mental road and all the darkness that lies beyond it, but I can handle it with grace and move in the direction I’d like. On bad days - most days, honestly - it’s not so gentle of a pull. I’m sliding right into panic and fear because of the trauma that was built into me. It takes a considerable effort and a lot of energy to not be antisocial, to not indulge in things that protect my wounds.

It sucks. And it’s not because I’m not being better, it’s because my starting point is farther back and with fewer resources.

(And time, apparently, as I’m rushing to finish this comment - apologies if that rush comes through with incomplete thoughts.)

And who I'm gonna bully about my old traumas and tell them how bad they are?

This isn't a fucking shitpost oh my God. This community is where bots come to get Lemmy cred.

Same way there being factors in a country for example that raise the occurance of alcoholism and cigarette use still means each of the people individually do have responsibilites to stop smoking. Or how crime rates are higher in poor places still means that violent crime(not the one where people steal basic needs) is still the responsibility of the individual. You have to look at the greater picture and the individuals at the same time. Also i dont know who said it first but to paraphrase my mom "At some point you have to responsible for your actions". Most places in the world draw this line from 12 to 21 but often different kinds of responsibilites come at different times.

Everyone has baggage, its up to each individual to handle it and not make it everyone elses problem because literally everyone has their own..

Trauma can explain behavior, it NEVER excuses it.

I'm glad my childhood raised me to be a pathological people pleaser utterly terrified of anyone's disapproval. Nobody complaining about these sorts of people

No, but understanding how a shitty childhood can often lead to a shitty adult can help prevent it.

its not your fault for turning that way. but its your fault for keeping that way.

Same for age, wealth, status, gender, education, height, weight, hair color, surname and any other inane metric yould care to list. People just need validation and respect, yet don't recognize it's a two way street. Not difficult.

Nobody is asking for a free pass, but mental healthcare and just a general recognition of the lack of free will that we all suffer in this deterministic universe does require us to think in terms of consequences that might actually work to make the world a better place.

I'm other words, when has saying, "be better" ever persuaded anyone?

Bojack? Is that you?

Plenty of people out there who had shitty childhoods (some of them much shittier than yours) and grew up to be good people. If they can do it, so can you.