guilt is a core part of the game loop that is my ADHD life
this post was submitted on 03 Nov 2026
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Something I’ve been working on in therapy is “microavoidances” where you keep ignoring small things to the point your brain is wiring itself to think the small task you’re avoiding is actually a big problem. Just recognize when you’re doing it, see if the discomfort of checking is worse than the discomfort of continuing to avoid it. But really, it’s just practice doing the tasks you’re avoiding until you build up a tolerance
Adding, you don’t have to complete the tasks, just move them closer to a state of being complete. If it’s the dishes move them closer to the dishwasher everytime you pass by it and notice it, for instance
Or load some if them which can make coming back to finish them easier.
I'm usually pretty good at opening them as soon as I notice then, but if it was from a while ago, and it wasn't a question that REALLY needs an answer, I probably won't respond.
Has anyone found a strategy that works for this?
I work from home. So I scream, hit the desktop, run around my office, kick my chairs. I can make as much noise as I want as I'm totally alone. That puts me in a different mind state, I presume because I got my adrenaline levels up, and I can open the fucking email. Yes I look like a crazy man, and maybe I am, and it makes me hate myself a little more, but it works. Most times at least.
I've had a BS email job for about ten years now, and I can honestly say that if it was actually important, they'd have emailed again. And if they should have? Hurray, everyone dropped the ball! You get to swoop in and say "hey, just going over some old emails - we addressed this, right?" Framing plays a big role in how people respond to late follow-ups.
they'd have emailed again
That makes me feel even more guilty. Sometimes the stress makes me open the new email, sometimes not and these are the worst ones.
We all fuck up. Constantly! We've created a world we're collectively not smart enough to run properly. Forgive yourself, and then reframe.
Nope. Marshall McLuhan said "the medium is the message" E-mails and texts are designed as asynchronous, meaning you'll get to it when you get to it. If it was important it would have been a phone call or a meeting.
Knowing you have ADHD means never apologizing for getting to it when you get around to it.
Absolutely. It’s always family too.
All the fucking time…
Most of them is the result of “I’ll do it later” and then never get around to do it. Other times it’s because I don’t have the mental capacity to do it right now, but then feel too guilty to open the message when my head is right.
Yes. What works for me is to differentiate between reading a message and replying to it. I made myself a rule "fuck it, now im gonna just read the message and only then i decide whether i want to respond or not". Usually when I open the message I get motivation to respond it. If I don't want to respond still after reading then I tell the person that I will respond later and then think why I didn't want to respond. Is it boring? Is it my low energy? Is it that the person I'm speaking to is not comfy? If its because of them, I try to talk about it like look im sorry i know that youd like to speak about X but im not really enjoying these things so lets do something about it. Or just cut the communication if Im not interested in this person anymore