Every time you think this timeline can't get any more nonsensical and inane, it throws a "Steven Seagal is a gun runner for Russia" curve ball at you.
this post was submitted on 29 Apr 2026
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So why isn't he in the Trump cabinet?
His ego didn't fit through the door.
Is he also a pedo?
Fat vampire
The OG gravey seal.
How has this rancid bratwurst not ended up in the Trump administration by this point?
He's too busy attending Putin's parades, which is something he literally does
And give up his position in Putin's administration? No way.
Eh, Putin's in charge of both anyway, so there's not much difference.
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Maybe he doesn't like kids 🤷♀️
Hey I'm going you need you to be more respectful of bratwursts here.
Seagal's wikipedia page reads like he's in the running for biggest shitbag actor award.
Seagal’s wikipedia page reads like he’s in the running for biggest shitbag actor award.
Emphasis added for clarity.
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Have you seen him lately? He hasn’t run for anything in a long time. It’s actually funny if you watch his later movies, he’s mostly sitting down through the whole thing.
What the hell happened to him? Wasn't he like a martial arts guy for real in the 80s?
He was never as great a martial artist as he thought he was (just ask Gene LeBell), but he at least used to be... you know... mobile.
He got old. And soft. And round.
That was 40 years ago
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The traitor and sack of shit should be on the frontlines.
My first aikido masters were former students of Sensei Fat. They refused to speak of it. He must have been a real piece of work, even then.
That makes you the disciple of Steven Seagal's disciple. Awesome.
Why can't we (as in civil society) drone bomb steven seagal?
Is that what he's eating?
Russian pumpernickel parties with Tucker Carlson
Imagine being such a shitty dictator that you have to hang out with the likes of 2020s Steve Seagal 😂
He is an expert in slap-fighting, sit-down style. "Everybody was slap-sit fighting".
Do we know the status of Steven Seagal's nuclear program?
I've heard he's weeks away from having a nuclear bomb.
Why would Seagal need weapons?
To defend the VantaBlack he's spraying on his head
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Anyone got a link to that video where he's fighting and older, but all of his opponents are falling down with barely any effort? It wasn't a movie but a dojo setting from what I remember.
No, the one I remember seeing he's all fat and bloated and stationary in a white gui. Opponents are running at him and he's barely doing anything, but the people running at him are obviously taking a fall. Maybe I imagined it all.
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What the hell is going on with his hair?
It's fake as fuck and he decided to go for the lupin the third look.
It's 3D printed
It's Lego
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I'm gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent. 😑 To the BLOOD BANK.
🤣
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