Fat vampire
this post was submitted on 29 Apr 2026
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Every time you think this timeline can't get any more nonsensical and inane, it throws a "Steven Seagal is a gun runner for Russia" curve ball at you.
So why isn't he in the Trump cabinet?
His ego didn't fit through the door.
Is he also a pedo?
The OG gravey seal.
He is an expert in slap-fighting, sit-down style. "Everybody was slap-sit fighting".
Is that what he's eating?
Russian pumpernickel parties with Tucker Carlson
The traitor and sack of shit should be on the frontlines.
How has this rancid bratwurst not ended up in the Trump administration by this point?
He's too busy attending Putin's parades, which is something he literally does
And give up his position in Putin's administration? No way.
Eh, Putin's in charge of both anyway, so there's not much difference.
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Maybe he doesn't like kids 🤷♀️
Hey I'm going you need you to be more respectful of bratwursts here.
Why can't we (as in civil society) drone bomb steven seagal?
Seagal's wikipedia page reads like he's in the running for biggest shitbag actor award.
Have you seen him lately? He hasn’t run for anything in a long time. It’s actually funny if you watch his later movies, he’s mostly sitting down through the whole thing.
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Seagal’s wikipedia page reads like he’s in the running for biggest shitbag actor award.
Emphasis added for clarity.
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My first aikido masters were former students of Sensei Fat. They refused to speak of it. He must have been a real piece of work, even then.
That makes you the disciple of Steven Seagal's disciple. Awesome.
Imagine being such a shitty dictator that you have to hang out with the likes of 2020s Steve Seagal 😂
Do we know the status of Steven Seagal's nuclear program?
I've heard he's weeks away from having a nuclear bomb.
I'm gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent. 😑 To the BLOOD BANK.
🤣
Why would Seagal need weapons?
To defend the VantaBlack he's spraying on his head
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Anyone got a link to that video where he's fighting and older, but all of his opponents are falling down with barely any effort? It wasn't a movie but a dojo setting from what I remember.
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What the hell is going on with his hair?
It's fake as fuck and he decided to go for the lupin the third look.
It's 3D printed
It's Lego
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