Leopards Ate My Face

I've been reading this exact same article, practically word-for-word, since the Reagan Era. Yet there never seems to be a shortage of married Republicans. Hell, some of them are on their third or fourth round of marriage. Similarly, I've been reading the "Liberals are a turn-off. I need a real man's man! The only boy who gets with this Hot Trad is a Based Chad!" article for my entire adult life. Nobody can explain where all the married liberals are coming from, either. It's almost as though these articles are just slamming Sex and Politics into a single headline and hoping people click the link.

But I also see something more insidious. I'm reading wave after wave of "dating is a scam / the opposite sexes simply aren't compatible" rhetoric, often subtly paired with "Exciting New Digital Fuckdoll!" native ads and associated articles. Very reminescent of the '10s-era "Give up meeting people on your own, get the App!", '00s-era "Give up on meeting people on your own, buy Speed Dating", and '90s-era "You'll never find an American partner who will treat you with the subservience of a mail-order bride!"

Wake up, Sheeple! Quit being seduced by this Marketing Slop! You're just being commodified. Again.

Donald trump is their leader, not surprised they're morons but c'mon. Every man these conservatives look up to wears makeup for a living.

No value judgement on makeup but for people that allege to value "traditional" notions of masclinity its so funny they can't see what's in front of their face.

Also "ammosexuals" is not getting enough traction in those replies.

Yes, this is why abortion bans don't have exceptions for rape or incest.

Republicans know they can't pass on their genes any other way.

Insecurity is the driving force for maga - insecurity of being left behind, insecurity of their role in the world, insecurity of being irrelevant. You can’t be masculine and constantly projecting yourself onto others.

I think I’m fairly masculine, big dude who enjoys being strong, I like outdoor activities like hunting, fishing, hiking. I really like working with my hands.

I’m left as fuck.

Most dudes I run into I would consider weak and the ones who are “masculine” pretty much just watch a ton of sports but are otherwise effete.

Unfuckable.

Thanks, autocorrect:

Rather than dealing with all that mess, many conservatives just choose to date among themselves.

This. This right here is where history will tell us that we started to breed the Morlocks.

At their core, Conservatives are cowards. They are afraid of EVERYTHING: Liberals, minorities, women, women's genitals, other religions, poor people, other countries, technology, education, intelligence, Critical Thinking Skills, the Constitution, history, etc. They are even afraid of each other. They are terrified that anything will change, and they're lives won't be as comfortable as they are now. They are so scared about that, that they will literally murder entire demographic sectors, just to assure their personal comfort.

So right off the bat, if you are dating a Conservative, you are dating a profound coward. If trouble occurs, he's going to grab you, and use you as a human shield.

Got bad news for you sweetie, they're all on Grindr.

They are probably holding two partially contradictory concepts of masculinity in mind and trying to find the tiny population of men that exist in that intersection.

They are seeking a warm and considerate racist or a strong weak man. Good luck with that.

A guy who is actually confident doesn't need to make a big thing about it.

This is the funniest article I’ve seen in a while.

“I’m doing everything I can to make the nation a less tolerant, more hateful place. Why can’t I find love?”

Why is it literally fucking impossible for news publications to make the distinction between Washington and Washington DC in the headline? This one is about Washington DC

I have no sympathy and don’t even agree this is a problem. Bible-thumping conservative, Evangelical Christians have been here since the founding of this country and they have always found a way to restock their ranks of indoctrinated children throughout the generations. In my opinion, they’re a cancer in society, and I see no end to their presence in the near future. Even if this particular woman never finds a husband she can accept, enough like her will, and they will produce another generation of bigoted youngsters, intent on anchoring this country in their naïve, idealized, theocratic vision of the past.

I wish I could say they’re being left behind by more modern, sensible people, but the truth of the matter is that they’re succeeding at holding the rest of us back with their antiquated, bigoted ways.

Any man who considers trump an alpha has no idea what an alpha male is.

If you’re looking for cowards, you should look at conservatives. That’s their defining characteristic.

Article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/style/power/2025/10/28/maga-dating-scene-washington/
Archived: https://archive.ph/VY8Tu

Instead, many of the single MAGA men she’s seen are … “Not fit, workaholics and not taking finding a wife seriously,” Housley says.

If she had it her way, she would be married and expecting her first kid. She says a lot of her colleagues at the American Principles Project, a conservative advocacy group whose website says “in order to save America — we have to save the family,” are settling down and having children. But it’s rough out there.

Newly arrived MAGA singles face a percentage problem: 92.5 percent of the city voted for Kamala Harris in last year’s presidential election.

A perfect moment of discovering the discrepancy between MAGA ideology on "paper" and in reality.

The article is a fun read.

Never fuck a MAGAt.

They should fuck themselves

Natural selection in action. Turns out, when you're proposing to chlorinate the gene pool, you'd best make sure other people don't go: "Okay! Let's start at your end - it's fucking filthy."

Generally Maga toads are dressing up their profiles to look politically ambiguous because they know being authentic gets them ignored by almost all of the dating pool. Just look for dudes who take pictures in sunglasses in their car and pose with fish.

Oh, how surprising! It is actually hard to find a decent partner when your focus group consists of professional assholes...

They're mostly closeted gay men hung like gerbils.