
Not The Onion
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
“There was something futile and sad about trying to find someone responsible at all costs, following a purely accidental death.“
This was purely a case of litigation because they were a billionaire.
The “unlicensed” surgeon? Had an Algerian degree, which was a French colony, that’s just racism.
They were clearly just throwing charges at them until something stuck, presumably at the rich inheritor’s request.
Number one. Steady hand. One day, billionaire need big penis. I do operation. But mistake! Billionaire die! Capitalists very mad! I hide fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car and new woman. Darryl save life.
My big secret. I kill billionaire on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
I always thought that autoerotic asphyxiation was the gold standard comedic way for billionaires to die. I was wrong.
The thought of this wealthy pencil dick chasing what I have and dying in the process is hilarious.
I guess envy really is a deadly sin.
Lol. Lmao. Dude had billions of dollars and fucken died cause he wanted a bigger dick.
To all the kids out there: accept who you are. Love yourself. Be genuine.
To all the billionaires out there, keep getting shady, life-threatening surgeries.
To all the billionaires out there: people will never respect you until you have 2 kg of dick. Go show them who's boss!
Also: you totally do know everything there is to know about deep sea submarines
Invite your friends!
What about trump ?
This is hilarious. Within the last few weeks Sam Harris was talking about how he would hate to die as side effects of having unnecessary surgery like a nose job, and they kind of laughed about how unlikely that is but still within the realm of possibility. And here we are ~~days~~ 6 years later, and a guy with over a billion dollars couldn't even buy a bigger dick without losing his life.
This happened in 2019
The verdict was Wednesday, which is 2026.
Thank you for your service, penis enlargement surgeons.
I applaud billionaire willing to die to show us what's right and wrong. Submarine excursions when you have no clue what you're doing, ruining the lives of millions with price hikes, penis enlargement surgery with unlicensed surgeons… keep at it billionaires. Let's step: going to Mars without a backup plan, because thinking things ahead is for pussy. You can do it!
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
one billionaire down, 3,027 more to go
Sadly, that won't matter unless we take out their kids too. I mean that's how billionaires are made anyway- literally born that way. We need to eradicate whole dynasties.
"Belgian-Israeli businessman Ehud Arye Laniado, founder of Omega Diamonds, suffered a fatal heart attack while undergoing injections intended to enlarge his penis."
At least we get some good news this year.
I was thinking the same thing but further down in the article it says the surgery happened in 2019. This article is basically about the surgeons being punished.
Damn what a way to go, now the whole world knows he had a small dick as the last thing he does.
Not necessarily. Data suggests that most people that feels that way have average sized penises. It's not reality what fails to them, it's their ego.
And nothing of value was lost.
A search of his hotel room revealed he had been taking multiple substances banned in France, along with vasodilators commonly used to treat erectile dysfunction. According to judicial sources, these substances are believed to have contributed to his death.
I'd wager we lost two capable surgeons, but then again...
practising medicine without a licence.
I'm not a doctor, but taking vasodilators before a surgery sounds like a bad idea
🥳🥳🥳
Trump and Elon next please
You can't trade all the money in the world for being comfortable in your own skin. :)
Won at the game of life (i.e. being a billionaire), still insecure about your PP
* the game of capitalism

Lol, won't be missed

small pp boiii
Oh no!
Anyway...
I will play a violin that matches the size of his package to commemorate him.
I feel like... People only become billionaires because they have other problems they think they can only solve with money.
Imagine having one hundred million euros (dollars, pounds, whatever) and genuinely thinking that happiness is just another hundred million away. They are all broken, failed humans.