this post was submitted on 01 Feb 2026
1030 points (98.1% liked)

Not The Onion

19746 readers
1794 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] DirtyAnCom@discuss.online 11 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Including the 32 billionaires that died last year, that's just over 1% of all billionaires removed from this Earth! That's not an insignificant number. Let's make it even higher!

[–] ShotDonkey@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

The Hindustan Times never disappoints!

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 points 2 hours ago

And this not satire, right?

[–] m3t00@lemmy.world 3 points 2 hours ago
[–] hodgepodgin@lemmy.zip 20 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

it seems like the operation failed. there's fewer dicks in the world now.

[–] JcbAzPx@lemmy.world 18 points 4 hours ago

Well, it didn't go as planned, but I wouldn't necessarily call it a failure.

[–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 18 points 6 hours ago

lolololololol

It makes me very, very sad to hear of the passing of a billionaire.

[–] Bakedtaint@lemmy.world 5 points 4 hours ago

We've all been there

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 40 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

You think these needledicks would learn from Elons botched surgery.

[–] boaratio@lemmy.world 11 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Kanye's mom has entered the chat.

[–] sin_free_for_00_days@sopuli.xyz 4 points 2 hours ago

I missed both those references.

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 58 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

So the operation was a 100% succes.

[–] Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world 6 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

The poor man died on a table with his cock cut to pieces, what a terribly unfortunate thing to happen.

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 2 points 26 minutes ago

Those pieces were very small, tho, like minuscule ...

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 43 points 9 hours ago

Now this is a feel good story

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 53 points 9 hours ago (7 children)

I can't believe being a billionaire wasn't enough for this man, he was still insecure that he felt the need to buy a bigger dick.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but women don't need a gorilla sized dick! They need you to eat them out! (this guy had a wife. We need to ask men if they crave gorilla dicks)

TBF I've known some guys who were size queens.

[–] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 19 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Just get a cod piece like respectable humans.

[–] pigup@lemmy.world 4 points 5 hours ago
[–] the_mighty_kracken@lemmy.world 25 points 8 hours ago (9 children)
[–] moakley@lemmy.world 11 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Maybe it's a dick the size of a gorilla, not the size of a gorilla's dick.

[–] the_mighty_kracken@lemmy.world 4 points 2 hours ago

Would you rather fight one dick the size of a gorilla, or one hundred dicks the size of a gorilla dick?

[–] 5too@lemmy.world 4 points 6 hours ago

Think they want the whole gorilla

load more comments (7 replies)
[–] violetring@lemmy.world 15 points 8 hours ago

Not even that bigger. Enlargement surgery is highly risky (even if this guy died of a heart attack), and only promises like 2cm in additional length. Girth increases are slightly more substantial though. It sounds like he was getting the type that is just an injection of fat in the dick, which is comparatively less risky.

The risks involved are wild. A sizable amount of doctors doing enlargements have questionable standings with their local medical boards. It's also not uncommon to find places that are very vague about what they are adding or changing about your body, while promising extreme results. Infections, loss of function, constant erection due to the addition of harder structures, decreased sensitivity are some of the more alarming, yet not uncommon risks. As it's an elective, specialized surgery, practices are often aggressive and manipulative in dealing with clients/potential clients. Is not unheard of for places to require multiple surgeries, when it turns out there were complications with the first one.

[–] vivalapivo@lemmy.today 5 points 7 hours ago

As if you haven't read Great Gatsby back in school. You can't fill the void with money, you can only escape the reality

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 8 points 7 hours ago

Well shit, if a billionaire can't pull it off, I'm fucked.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 44 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (1 children)

Let this be an example to every surgeon out there that if a billionaire patient dies during or after a surgery:

It can't simply be a statistical death, their trusts will have investigators digging through your trash for years and feeding a team of laywers to find the slightest excuse to end your career even if they die because they were taking party drugs and weren't honest with you.

Its best to just refuse doing surgery on a billionaire.

[–] III@lemmy.world 9 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

Or, and hear me out, take one for society like these heroes did.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 1 points 42 minutes ago

Dude killed himself by not disclosing boner pillsand the surgeons were "practicing medicine without a license" for the place they working in (though they were as qualified as most surgeons) From the article

"Sign here. . . and here. . . Now flop it out on the table. . . Nurse, hand me the claw hammer. . ."

[–] jpreston2005@lemmy.world 85 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

An autopsy later confirmed that Laniado died from cardiac hypertrophy, a condition involving an enlarged heart.

A search of his hotel room revealed he had been taking multiple substances banned in France, along with vasodilators commonly used to treat erectile dysfunction. According to judicial sources, these substances are believed to have contributed to his death.

Ah, so it had nothing to do with the procedure, dude was on a cocktail of his own drugs, didn't tell the doctor, had a heart attack.

So, if it was anyones fault, it was the pathetic billionaires fault. Also anyone who gets rich from diamonds is always, 100%, a scumbag.

[–] Techlos@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 hour ago

Ahh, cocaine and Cialis. A classic combo for cardiac catastrophe

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 21 points 9 hours ago

He shouldn't have gotten the heart enlargement surgery

[–] ViceroTempus@lemmy.world 21 points 9 hours ago

1 billionaire down, 3000ish to go.

[–] m3t00@lemmy.world 4 points 7 hours ago
[–] kreskin@lemmy.world 19 points 10 hours ago

I know many cultures have a taboo on saying anything bad about the dead, but this is my favorite story of the week by a fair margin.

[–] flamingleg@lemmy.ml 13 points 10 hours ago

do they have a gofundme i can donate to?

load more comments
view more: next ›