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A collection of some classic Lemmy memes for your enjoyment
I once had a date with a guy who constantly bragged about his sailboat and how amazing he was at sailing.
I Started asking questions about said boat and he didn't know what a jib was or even what kind of sailboat it was.
Bonus, after repeatedly bragging about how much money he had, asked for a separate check. Which, splitting a bill is fine, but to do it after specifically bragging about how rich you are?
Oh man. Sounds insufferavle lol.
I was probably the worst possible match for his speal because I grew up regularly sailing on my Grandpa's boat and after moving to Florida it was something I really missed.
He found.... someone who actually knew how boats work!
Not "disastrous", but I don't drink, and she was deep into home brewing.
"Your profile said you're adventurous!"
So I presume Cory is single now? Send him my way. He's my type.
I never had a real disaster of a date, but one time on a first date, we went to this place near the ocean with a short walk down to a little beach with a really nice view. Across the path was a chain hanging about a foot off the ground. I thought I'd be dashing, so I mocked it and said something like "Silly chain, you can stop me!" and then proceeded to try and jump over it, and instead catch my foot on it and face plant.
We were together for three years before circumstances forced us amicably apart.
I'd tell you, but it's been so long I can't remember
Never dated
I was snowboarding and staying at a hostel on the mountain. A man with a broken ankle who walked with the aid of a staff, we called him Moses, gave me a bag of shrooms, which I ate. A tinder date responded, so I went to meet her, but she was staying in a very fancy resort lodge which was a 20 minute hike up the mountain. Upon getting there she introduced me to her family. I remind you, this is a tinder date first meeting. There was music and dancing and quite suddenly I was far too high to exist in normal spacetime, so I said in a grave voice "I have to go now" and just left. The 20 minute walk back to the hostel in the cold and dark snow was the longest 90 minutes of my life, I had never been as high on mushrooms as I was that dark august night. I genuinely believed that if I fell in the snow I would not be able to get up. Eventually I made it back to the hostel where I was sharing a room with 3 very drunk Russians I'd just met, and I promptly did a week's worth of shits in 15 minutes in the adjoining bathroom, and spent the rest of the night clinging to the bunk bed and trying to to fall off the Earth.
The woman wanted to go to a pet store to see the animals, she asked to hold a ferret, and the ferret bit her. For some reason I still don't understand, I immediately bought that ferret, although I had never even seen a ferret before that day. (He was a cool dude, but he did think nipping people was funny.)
First time I met my SO’s dog he bit me. We are married now and the dog is my best bud, so things worked out in the end.
he's got good taste.
but you know, that requires a taste test. you passed!
I hope that the SO bit you, but the dog intervened with proper training so you'd stay.
This comment section needs more tldrs
tl;dr lots of stories that are important to the person telling them.
Could you expand on this?
I only have a mild one. Even though atheist, I briefly dated a Lutheran. She wanted me to come listen to a public event, where she would be singing christmas songs in her church choir. I decided to go to support her. Was a newly divorced dad and with toddlers. She knew this, but when I showed up there was no nursery or place for them to be. I guess in some churches you're supposed to hire a babysitter for functions? Was news to me. So I did my best in a foyer (didn't even enter the chapel) but eventually my kids got bored. Latecomers had overflowed into the foyer and people complained about them being noisy and started mobbing me, so we left. She dumped me because I guess they could briefly hear my kids from inside the chapel and it was considered disrespectful. So I had obviously violated their norms and was thus in the wrong, but at the same time if they couldn't handle kids making noises at a public event then it was never going to work out, so it was all for the best.
Latecomers had overflowed into the foyer and people complained
My best guess is she dumped you because her church family did not approve. Probably had 17 other people offering to set her up with their 'good' Lutheran family members.
I was in the church scene for years. Everyone had skeletons they tried to set up with whoever would go for it.
9/11 was pretty bad.
But seriously... I had a first date with a vegetarian and she knew of this great restaurant in a trendy part of town. I love trying new food, and was excited for this restaurant. While looking over the menu the Portabella Burger spoke to me, so I ordered it and it was incredible. We had good conversation and we were getting along fairly well. We went for a walk around the area and that's when I discovered that my body does not handle large amounts of mushrooms very well. I immediately bloated full of gas, and I could tell it was going to be nasty. My focus immediately was 100% on holding it in... the conversation began to suffer because I couldn't think of anything to talk about, and had a hard time focusing on what she was talking about. I just wanted the date to end. I eventually came up with what was likely a very lame excuse to end the date. I waddled back to my car and then had the longest drive home. I never heard from her after that.
Damn that sucks. Shoulda just been honest. "Look, something about that portabella must not be agreeing with me. I might have a huge fart coming, but I don't want it to distract me from what you're saying. I'll try to let it out quietly if I can, but if it catches me off guard, please forgive me if I let one rip. I'll try to give you a warning so you can stand upwind."
NEVER TRUST A FART. I've been married for decades and I don't let rip unless I know what's up. never, ever just trust a fart.
Listen to mr conductor.
Okay then, in that case the commenter should tell his date that he has bubble guts and needs to go home early but that he had fun and would like to go out again next week or sometime.
The point is that trying to play it off and ending up seeming to shut down suddenly and then suffer through for a bit before inexplicably leaving early is way worse than simply being honest even if it might sound disgusting.
If she's grossed out by farts or doesn't want to date you again because something you ate gave you diarrhea, then she's not marriage material. How do you expect that to go when you're living together for the rest of your lives?
Gas anxiety is just dating over 40. Even if things go as well as possible... especially if they go well... you go home, you fuck for hours, you collapse in a sweaty heap too tired to shower...
There's like a solid 30% chance the booze and sudden unusual food will result in sleep farts. You just have to hope the other party is tired enough to sleep through it.
oh my dude, you should have just told her later
Not me, but I knew both sides. She had been crushing on him for a while and he finally asked her out on a date. At the restaurant, he ordered a salad for her, while he took a steak. Crush instantly over
What was his reasoning? Like I can guess at his actual reasons (guessing it was actually the money that motivated this and his misogyny just allowed him to justify it to himself), but I'm curious what he said about it after the fact, mostly because it can be hilarious to watch someone try to defend an indefensible position when they believe they are in the right.
I don’t know, sorry! Would have been a good convo to have indeed
Where did he order this from, a time machine? ಠ_ಠ
Even if he has ordered exactly what I was going to order but he did it without asking me what I wanted I would be over it immediately.
...stupidity of people keeps surprising me. Such an easy mistake to avoid.
Why do you call it stupidity? To me, it was quite clear misogyny
To be fair, there's a significant overlap between the two.
Damn, I wonder if he knew how hard he fucked himself over there.
We met at a workshop and collab'd on a project. I asked if she wanted to go have a coffee with me some time. She said yes but didn't seem too happy about it. At the actual date she just looked disdainful. Getting answers out of her was like wringing blood out of a rock. At the end I just decided to leave it, and left on as friendly terms as I could.
I still don't know why she agreed to come. I hope she didn't feel like she had to? I'll never know
One guess is that maybe she had previously had someone she got along with really well (friend or collaborator) but he had caught feelings and asked her out and she rejected him because she wasn't into him like that only for him to also withdraw from the platonic relationship. So, given that experience, she knew it was a lose-lose situation when you asked her out but decided to try accepting the date but just wasn't into it at all.
Though another possibility is that she's had bad experiences rejecting guys (or maybe with stalking) and instead goes with the strategy of accepting the date but making them no longer want her by basically grey rocking them during the date.
Second one sounds more plausible. I think she somehow felt she couldn't say no... which is a bit distressing on all fronts
Not a date so much as a "hookup". We hung out for a bit, went to my place, and hung out on the bed for a while. Eventually we started making out, and things escalated. I got literally two strokes in when she told me to stop. Okay, fair enough, consent is always revocable, it's fine.
So we're back to sitting in the bed and talking, and ten minutes later she's back on top of me, kissing even more passionately than before. Escalation again, I confirm that she wants me to put it in, and three strokes later she tells me to stop again. Okay, consent is still revocable but this is getting ridiculous.
We go through this cycle two or three more times, each time confirming consent, each time only getting a couple thrusts in before she tells me to stop. That combined with the vast swings between doting and negging just rubbed me the wrong way. She was so hot-and-cold that I felt like she was fucking with me on purpose.
I did not call her back.
It's been a minute since I read a story that screamed "personality disorder" more loudly than that. Sorry you had to deal with it, glad you stayed patient and walked away calmly. Sounds like she was trying to bait you into something.
I've had one of those. She was fresh from a breakup and I think was looking to punish someone. I even offered to go sleep in another hotel but she called me back to bed. I think she did like me, but was working some things out without really knowing it. Smoking hot though, easily the sexiest woman I've ever been with
I imagine there's a bit of a correlation.
One, being smoking hot takes time and effort (hair, makeup, skincare, fitness, etc.), and some inherent degree of vanity. There's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and taking a basic level of pride and dignity in your appearance, but at a certain level it becomes obsessive.
Two, even if you're just naturally hot, you were probably always very attractive. People tend to be nicer to hot people and tolerate their bullshit way more. Without the natural pushback of being called out for emotional overstepping, there's no pressure for maturation. It's kinda like the trees grown in that biodome that collapsed under their own weight, because there wasn't any wind to strain and strengthen them.
I'm definitely not saying hot = emotionally unstable, I know plenty of very attractive and stable women. It's not universal. But the most self-obsessed and emotionally volatile women I've known have usually been very hot.
Yeah. I met her abroad in a fancy part of San Diego. Making huge sweeping assumptions here, but everyone there was just oozing self-importance. I felt a bit like I was in a zoo, and interacting with very well groomed fauna.
That is to say, I think her behaviour wasn't atypical of the area she lived in, from my somewhat judgemental lens
Fairly tame but also recentish... I was very clearly a strawman for her ex. Now, I know that sometimes when my sense of humor doesn't mesh with someone else, it's grating. That's fine but I know this about me, and I was honestly dialing it way back. An amusing anecdote here, a witty quip there. History shows this vanilla formula works and is well received by both potential romantic partners and coworkers alike.
But she was just uggggggghhhh. "Why are guys like this, I'm trying to make a real connection and you are telling jokes?!"
My sister in Zeus, I don't even know what color your butthole is and you are already on stage 4 of decoupling. How. If you want to work through the crazy in the bedroom I am so fucking down but I haven't even gotten through my second drink yet.
The best part is that we are neighbors. It was one of the first matches I had in my new place and she was like six doors down. So I still see her in passing fairly frequently and we like awkwardly wave or nod or sometimes pretend not to notice each other. Somehow I feel like there's another chapter to write, and I would absolutely still go nine innings with her if she wanted (and my wife was cool with it) but I have never played therapy date like that before.
This is very similar to several experiences of mine that finally lead to the understanding that, hey, I enjoy getting drunk, stoned, and playing video games with my cat way more than dating and that’s not a bad thing, also that most people in general are boring, can’t put their gods damned phone down and be in the moment for two seconds (not a generational thing, by the way) and are really bad at sex. (also not a generational thing.)
Edit: Also, general PSA, for fuck’s sake, get over your ex before you put yourself on the dating scene. A new relationship will not get rid of your sad feelings, you gotta chew through that shit first.
I had a first date where the guy thought it would be a great idea to take me to a park and serenade me while strumming his ukelele. I am certain that floats other people's boats, but I am not the type of human that ever wants that kind of intense one-sided attention, especially in public. I gave him a second date because I felt horrible about how awkward I was about the whole thing, but the second date made it clear he just wanted a woman to marry quickly and have children. Which is also not a thing I'm into haha.
I screen people a lot more carefully now, so both sides don't end up terribly disappointed
I think this was more funny because I don't always read the room very well.
So we're on a date, and she says "hahah I'm not wearing socks" and I didn't think much of it. Then well we dated for a couple years and I learned what she tried to imply. She was a feety girl. Somehow I didn't connect the dots until a couple years later of dating. She said things like, I'll make my feet pretty for you. And I just thought, ok you do you.
